They say, you should never judge a book by its cover. They say, you never know what kind of surprises are in store, when you look beyond outward appearences. They, are totally wrong.
Thursday afternoon, I was hanging out with my friend Ashley at The Downtown Flower Shop, when a picture of the Bradgelina baby popped up on AOL.
ME: Isnt she cute?
ASHLEY: Yeah, I guess...I dont know...I'm not really into that sorta thing.
ME: Babies?
ASHLEY: Celebrities. I could totally care less about them.
ME: Well, I'm not asking you to care about them. I'm just asking you to agree with me that she may very well be, one of the hottest kids on earth.
ASHLEY: David, that's wrong. Judging someone, solely on the basis of their looks?
ME: Oh, please, how else would you judge someone?
ASHLEY: Uh, maybe by their character. Duh.
ME: Ashley, nobody goes around, looking at people, saying, "My, dont you have a nice character soul?"
ASHLEY: Well, the point is, I could care less about looks. If you asked me what somebody was wearing, I wouldnt know, since I would only be looking at their face. In fact, I wish I were sometimes blind, since honestly, looks just arent that important to me.
Friday afternoon, Ashley got her wish.
I was back at the flower shop, helping my friend Madelaine de-leaf and de-thorn 600 red and pink roses, for her dance company. It was long and arduous work, stripping the stems clean, while avoiding the red sharp thorns. It was a total war of the roses and I totally got the battle wounds on my fingers to prove it. Why did roses have to have so many thorns? Was it a natural defense mechanism they had as a way to stop people from picking them? And was it all worth it?
As it turns out, it was. But not because of how the roses opened up to perfection, once we were done. But because I got to work next to Alice's sister-in-law, Laura. Laura was an extremely attractive girl who had mastered the half-closed, dreamy bedroom eyes look to perfection. Not too thin, not too fat, not too tall, not to short, just totally perfect. If there were three bears eating porridge, I swear I would've thought I was in a fairy-tale. She was just hot.
MADELAINE: David, dont say that! She's 15!
ME: She is not 15. Did you see her boobs?!
MADELAINE: Yes, David. She's bigger than me, I get it. But I'm telling you, she's 15. You cant date her.
ASHLEY: Yeah, it's like an unwritten cardinal rule. Thou shall not covet they friend's boss' husband's sister.
ME: But she's hot.
ASHLEY: I dont know. She looks like she's about to cry or something.
ME: No, that's just a look. You gotta admit it's still hot.
MADELAINE: Nothing's hot about a 15 year-old with a 36 Double D bra size. And plus, she only looks bigger, because her waist is so tiny.
ASHLEY: Madelaine, you were looking at her boobs?
ME: How could you not? They were right there!
ASHLEY: Sorry! I wasnt looking down there. I dont notice those type of things. I told you already, I could care less about looks.
And that's when it happened. As we were cleaning the flower shop, Ashley's left eye began to itch. At first, it was nothing big, but as Ashley continued to rub her eye, it began to swell up. According to Ashley, it felt like something was crawling inside and it was really starting to bug her.
ASHLEY: David! What's wrong with my eye?!
ME: Ew. I dont know! But it's growing!
ASHLEY: David, shut up! What if I iced it?
ME: Do something...I'm not even lying to you! It's like you're trying to grow a third eye.
ASHLEY: Shut up, David! You're not helping me!
ME: Dude, I'm sorry, but you're eye is freaking me out.
ASHLEY: What the hell did I touch?!
ME: Well, who cares, right? You said looks arent important, right?
Ashley left the shop looking like the deformed, inbred child of Quasimodo and that weird guy from the basement in The Goonies, while I left the shop wondering if Ashley would change her ways and admit, that deep down, she was just as shallow as the rest of us. And here, she wanted to be my date for New Years Eve. Ha.
Thursday afternoon, I was hanging out with my friend Ashley at The Downtown Flower Shop, when a picture of the Bradgelina baby popped up on AOL.
ME: Isnt she cute?
ASHLEY: Yeah, I guess...I dont know...I'm not really into that sorta thing.
ME: Babies?
ASHLEY: Celebrities. I could totally care less about them.
ME: Well, I'm not asking you to care about them. I'm just asking you to agree with me that she may very well be, one of the hottest kids on earth.
ASHLEY: David, that's wrong. Judging someone, solely on the basis of their looks?
ME: Oh, please, how else would you judge someone?
ASHLEY: Uh, maybe by their character. Duh.
ME: Ashley, nobody goes around, looking at people, saying, "My, dont you have a nice character soul?"
ASHLEY: Well, the point is, I could care less about looks. If you asked me what somebody was wearing, I wouldnt know, since I would only be looking at their face. In fact, I wish I were sometimes blind, since honestly, looks just arent that important to me.
Friday afternoon, Ashley got her wish.
I was back at the flower shop, helping my friend Madelaine de-leaf and de-thorn 600 red and pink roses, for her dance company. It was long and arduous work, stripping the stems clean, while avoiding the red sharp thorns. It was a total war of the roses and I totally got the battle wounds on my fingers to prove it. Why did roses have to have so many thorns? Was it a natural defense mechanism they had as a way to stop people from picking them? And was it all worth it?
As it turns out, it was. But not because of how the roses opened up to perfection, once we were done. But because I got to work next to Alice's sister-in-law, Laura. Laura was an extremely attractive girl who had mastered the half-closed, dreamy bedroom eyes look to perfection. Not too thin, not too fat, not too tall, not to short, just totally perfect. If there were three bears eating porridge, I swear I would've thought I was in a fairy-tale. She was just hot.
MADELAINE: David, dont say that! She's 15!
ME: She is not 15. Did you see her boobs?!
MADELAINE: Yes, David. She's bigger than me, I get it. But I'm telling you, she's 15. You cant date her.
ASHLEY: Yeah, it's like an unwritten cardinal rule. Thou shall not covet they friend's boss' husband's sister.
ME: But she's hot.
ASHLEY: I dont know. She looks like she's about to cry or something.
ME: No, that's just a look. You gotta admit it's still hot.
MADELAINE: Nothing's hot about a 15 year-old with a 36 Double D bra size. And plus, she only looks bigger, because her waist is so tiny.
ASHLEY: Madelaine, you were looking at her boobs?
ME: How could you not? They were right there!
ASHLEY: Sorry! I wasnt looking down there. I dont notice those type of things. I told you already, I could care less about looks.
And that's when it happened. As we were cleaning the flower shop, Ashley's left eye began to itch. At first, it was nothing big, but as Ashley continued to rub her eye, it began to swell up. According to Ashley, it felt like something was crawling inside and it was really starting to bug her.
ASHLEY: David! What's wrong with my eye?!
ME: Ew. I dont know! But it's growing!
ASHLEY: David, shut up! What if I iced it?
ME: Do something...I'm not even lying to you! It's like you're trying to grow a third eye.
ASHLEY: Shut up, David! You're not helping me!
ME: Dude, I'm sorry, but you're eye is freaking me out.
ASHLEY: What the hell did I touch?!
ME: Well, who cares, right? You said looks arent important, right?
Ashley left the shop looking like the deformed, inbred child of Quasimodo and that weird guy from the basement in The Goonies, while I left the shop wondering if Ashley would change her ways and admit, that deep down, she was just as shallow as the rest of us. And here, she wanted to be my date for New Years Eve. Ha.
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