what happens in vegas...

Whenever people go and visit the fabulous city of Las Vegas, they always say, "Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." These people obviously didnt have a good time. Or maybe it's because they had too good a time. But how could you not? The beautiful hotels, the friendly people, and all the free alcohol to be used at your disposal...

In my fantasy trip, Rose and I would have been greeted at the airport by a yellow and black checkered cab, the kind with all that extra plush space to lounge around and act all 1940s decadent and driven by a jolly man with a funny accent and a newsboy cap. Instead, the only taxi's available outside the McCarran International Airport were those big, ugly minivan kind that smelled like two parts Lysol, five parts Airwick Solid. In my opinion, that was just no way to arrive in Vegas. So I ordered a limo. A white stretchmobile, fully equipped, fully accessorized, and fully capable of helping us make our grand entrance.

As we drove down the strip, I felt like I was in one of those video montages you see in the movies with the actors looking out the window in awe at all the sights and sounds of the city. Only this was my montage, with that cheesey Elvis song "Viva Las Vegas" playing in the background. And it continued to play well into the night as we made our way to Jet, the ultimate nightclub in Vegas, strolling past the outside lines and velvet ropes, courtesy of a call made to my new friend Rod earlier that day.

The next day, with enough alcohol in our system to fill up our marble hot tub, we donned our dark, oversized sunglasses and Venti Caramel Macchiatos and stumbled our way to Chapel of the Bells, which was the closet thing we could find to a church on a Sunday morning, on the strip. It was also a chance for me and Rose to get a feel of how her upcoming nuptials would be like and a chance for me to see if marriage with Damien was something she really wanted to do.

Turns out it was. True, Damien wasnt a candidate for Boyfriend, Father, or even Human of the Year, but he did have his good qualities. Which I really cant recall at the moment, since I was unable to function properly during my state of inebriation. But I do know I left the chapel with a new mission in mind: to try and stop this bizzare wedding. I only had about a day before the rest of our friends and the groom-to-be would arrive so I had to work fast, because, as the old saying goes, friends dont let friends become members of the Future Bitter Divorcees of America Club.

After witnessing several, “what the hell?” marriages Rose and I made our way back to the Mirage to Japonais, for a free mid-day meal, courtesy again, of Rod, my soon-to-be best friend. After eating the best sushi of my life, we headed to the casinos and for a brief mortal minute, I forgot all about my mission, because I was on a total roll. On my very first try, I won$40 on the dollar machine. And then $35. And then $20. And then $12. And then $11.75. And then I stopped because I finally saw the pattern in my winnings and realized I didn’t have a house to mortgage off for some extra cash. So I did the next best thing and moved to the penny slots where, on my first try, I won ten thousand...pennies. Which added up to about a hundred bucks, but that was totally fine by me because it was way more than what I, an unprofessional, inexperienced gambler, expected to win.

With my winnings in tow, Rose and I ventured down the strip and began to do all the tourist-y things like collect those little cards with the hookers posted on them, posed with both living and dead celebrities at Madame Tussaud's, watched the water show at Bellagio, saw the sexy sirens of T.I. have a verbal battle of innuendos with fellow pirates, and cheered on the Coyote Ugly girls as they danced on the bar and kept our glasses filled with refreshing and delicious alcohol.

With another day gone to waste and me being wasted beyond all human belief, I knew I had to hurry if I was to put a stop on this wedding. And fast. I tried bringing up past horror stories of Damien's actions, to which Rose replied, "If it was possible to erase all those days, I'd still want to be with him." I tried pointing out all of Damien's flaws, including the fact that he had no arm definition and that his moustache made him look like a mouse, to which Rose replied, "It's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts." Damn the person who created that hateful speech.

None of my influential ideas were working. I needed to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength. That's when I decided to bring out the big guns and take Rose to a male strip show with guys who had even bigger guns. One call to my BFFL, best friend for life, Rod, and I had a pair of comped passes to Austrailia's Thunder From Down Under. Hopefully the sight of ten gyrating crotches would help Rose forget about her own soon-to-be, wedded crotch. It didnt help. Instead, the sight of all those swarthy hunks dancing around us only made Rose hot and horny and by the time we got to the airport to meet and greet the rest of her wedding entourage, Rose and Damien were like one. One big mess of kissy, huggy love. Blech. I guess getting off the plane made you realize how important love was. And how important getting off was. Ew.

But with new, flown-in reinforcements, I knew Operation: Stop Rose And Damien From Entering A Marriage That Would Most Likely End Due To A Conflict Shown On An Episode Of COPS was back on track and good to go. The only thing was, everyone was kinda for this wedding. The general feeling was, if this wedding made Rose happy, then what was the real harm? Everybody wanted Rose to be happy. Was I the only one who cared about her?

The next day, with our friends in tow, we did even more tourist-y things, like walk to the top of the Stratosphere Hotel and watch wannabe singers perform as Britney Spears, pre-Cheeto diet, Elvis, post-Priscilla marriage, and Michael Jackson, pre/post/mid-cosmetic surgerical operation. Then it happened. Between a Cher and Madonna tribute, Rose and Damien started having one of their classic arguements. If they were rich and powerful and lived in the glamourous hills of Beverly, those two would succeed at becoming a tabloid Hollywood couple yet. But for now, their heated arguements were reserved only for me and our friends. And the other poor, paying customers that sat amoung us. It got so bad, that eventually Rose dragged me and our friends Pamela and Josh outside, where we walked in complete silence to the Bellagio. I didnt know what to do or say, but inside, I was jumping up for joy-joy, knowing a wedding was definitely not on the horizon.

Josh and Pamela wanted to do some gambling and I figured it was the perfect way to help clear Rose's mind. So we made our way around the tables and ended up watching this older English gent play Craps. His accent was so funny and so British that we couldnt help but adopt English accents ourselves and cheer on Mr. Carpenter. And though our bloody accents were Dick Van Dyke-bad, Mr. Carpenter had a jolly good laugh and promised us $100 poker chips and dinner at Olives, if we continued to keep cheering him on. Mr. Carpenter hit the jackpot and won over $67,000 that night, but it was around the $30,000 mark that I realized maybe I was wrong about Rose and Damien.

ROSE: I say, the ol' chap should just stop right now. He 'as too much at stake.
ME: Bloody 'ell! You're only saying that because you lost a hundred pounds.
ROSE: Quite right. Quite right. But, if I had that much I would stop all-togetha now. Just think of 'ow much 'E could do with all that money. And 'e's just gambling it all away.
ME: Because maybe 'E enjoys taking risks. Maybe 'E's tired of always playing it safe and never winning.
ROSE: But that's playing too bloody dangerously, dont you think?
ME: But it makes 'im one 'appy chap, eh?
ROSE: 'E's gonna be one sorry chap in a moment.
ME: Who cares? So long as 'E's 'appy and living in the moment, then what's the harm?

It was then that I had a crystalized clear thought and realized that the same philosphy I was preaching in the City of Mortal Sin, could be used towards Rose and Damien. Sure, they had issues. A lot of issues. Like more than your average newstand, amount of issues, but if getting married was something they wanted to do, then really, who was I to try and stop them? Besides, when I thought about it, Rose didnt ask for my opinion on whether or not she and Damien should get married. She just asked for my support. And what kind of person did that make me if I couldnt support a friend? After all, husbands and wives come and go, but it's the people who are your best friends that stay with you forever. Or until someone with better connections comes along. And though I know it's totally cliché, but, if you're able to make a friend into a spouse, well then that's something worth betting on.

for better and for worse

Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. And the person you couldnt deny that was ultimately unique, for better or for worse, was my friend Rose.

I had known Rose since my days as a sales associate at my first job, Forever 21. And though I never would have predicted in a million years that I would be friends with such a sassy and brassy person, I did. And still was. In fact, if looked at a certain angle, most people would raise their eyebrows in question as to how two completely different people like me and Rose could ever be friends. But we were. Which is why I was one of the few people, not related to her, invited to her birthday dinner. Her family considered me more than just a friend. They considered me a part of their family and made me the guest of honor.

As the guest of honor, I was the most talked-about and talked-to person of the party. Next to the birthday girl, of course. And though the limelight seemed to be shining on me more than it should have, it was because Rose's entire family was thankful and utterly grateful for my pressence in Rose's life.

According to Rose's family, I had been a major catalyst who helped make a tremendous change in Rose's life. Before me, Rose was a high school drop-out, living with her baby-daddy, Damien, always getting drunk and higher than Snoop Dogg, every weekend. Of course, I couldnt take too much credit for the "change" in Rose, since it was a series of "cant-remember-a-thing" parties that made us closer, but over the course of our friendship, as I matured, so did she. She stopped the all-night partying along with the binge drinking and the heavy smoking. She left Damien and saw that there were other guys out there who did and would apprieciate her. But the biggest change of all, was that Rose was actually studying for her GED, in the hopes that she could take some classes at a community college. That task alone showed a growth in Rose, that her family never saw possible, but ultimately made them thankful.

I had no idea I had such an influence. It was like that post, my blog friend Jillian wrote last week. During his days as a firefighter, Jillian's dad had to defibrillate a man's heart, only a week after recieving his paramedic certification. Up until that moment, it was one of the most nerve-wrecking events in his life, as he wondered if whether or not he was capable of saving a man's life. Turns out, he was. In more ways than one. That story was a reminder that we all play a part in the grand scheme of life and you never know just whose life you may touch or change.

And it wasnt only Rose's life I changed. It was her entire family. Small little things I did, like shopping with a few members of Rose's family or even just having a small conversation with them, affected their actions and words. And they showed their appreciation by profusely thanking me over and over again. Who knew I had such an impact on so many lives?

The next day, as we made our way to the airport and through a sea of fake pony-skin and Samsonite-wannabe suitcases, I began to wonder how many lives in Las Vegas I could and would help change. It would be like that movie, Pay It Foward, only there wouldnt be any hooking up or any tragic deaths. But there would be a few choice comedic moments. Like when airport security made Rose go back outside and dump out her tangerine/almond/mint shampoo into plastic baggies because she was over the limit that was permitted. Like it was my fault Rose hadn't kept up with the new traveling guidelines. But, after we were seated on the plane, Rose said something to me that made me wonder if I had any part in her deluded decision.

ROSE: David.
ME: What?
ROSE: I actually have a confession.
ME: Well, since I am an ordained priest.
ROSE: Shut up. No. I actually have an ALL-tierior motive for coming here.
ME: You mean, UL-terior.
ROSE: Whatever. I'm getting married.
ME: What?! To who?!
ROSE: To Damien.

People are always telling me things I dont want to hear. This one had crossed the line. I caught a glimpse of Las Vegas as we circled before landing. It was weird. I'd seen that view a million times in movies, TV, magazines, newspapers. So it was like I'd been here before. Except I hadn't. This time I wasnt taking in the view of Las Vegas while a list of opening credits rolled. This was real. The Bellagio, the Wynn, the MGM Grand, all the spectacular monuments leading to the heart of the city. But the only heart that mattered to me, was that of my friend Rose.

frenemies and enemends

It all started the week after my birthday, when my friend Rose tried to think up of ways to make up for the drama I encountered. And the number one idea was…drum roll, please…a trip to Las Vegas! Of course, the trip would be the week of her birthday, but it was a free trip, nonetheless. And since the word “F-R-E-E” is my favorite four-letter word, next to “S-A-L-E”, how could I refuse?

Just thinking about partying and living it up in the City of Sin had me all giddy and so thankful I took that seasonal job at Gap. I became even more giddy, when my friend Kelly introduced me to Rod, the party host at The Mirage during a seasonal party. Man, talk about being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people who could get you into the right places at the right time. Seeing the way Kelly laughed at all of Rod’s bad jokes and the way she tenderly stroked his arm, despite the fact that he was wearing jeans from the late 80s/early 90s, it was nice to know I could count on my friends using their whorish ways to gain me free access to clubs while in Vegas.

And speaking of all things good and free in the City of Sin, a local radio show was holding a contest, in which the 49th caller would win tickets to go and see that Canadian Showboat, Celine Dion along with a three-day, two-night stay at Caesar's Palace. I had to win. If only for the free night's stay at an internationally known hotel. Unfortunately, after listening to Soft Rock Hits of the 70s, 80s, and 90s for hours upon hours the only place I placed was second and ended up winning a pair of tickets to a motivational conference and passes for the Arizona Diamondbacks spring training. The person that did win? Brenda Lewis. Ugh.

Next to Isabel Dior, Brenda Lewis ranked just as high on the mortal enemy list. There was just no reasoning with someone who would never forgive or forget past petty differences. That’s when I got an idea. Maybe I could become "friends" with an enemy. A frenemy, or enemend, if you will. It would be like one of those old war movies where a stunning and captivating spy infiltrates the enemy camp, gains access to all things guarded and private and escapes in the nick of time to great success. Of course, I knew it was the stuff of Hollywood dreams, but dont some dreams come true?

Meanwhile, across town, a friendship was being renewed via cellular. After hearing of Isabel's newlywed status, Maria felt that, as an old friend, it was her duty to congratulate the bride and groom. And as my friend, it was Maria's duty to fill me in with all the gossip. Suffice to say, Maria learned that marriage had changed Isabel. It actually made her way more mature. According to Maria, Isabel had finally recieved her much needed reality check and saw that the world wasnt her own big, giant playground as she once thought it was. She had grown as a person and Maria felt that maybe this time around, we could all actually sit down and have a polite and cordial dinner, forgetting our hurtful past and creating a better future.

Of course, I had different plans. Maybe if I was able to become friends with Isabel, then maybe that would be a way for me to fix things with Brenda and then maybe that would be a way for me to try and convince her to give me the Celine Dion tickets and three-day, two-night stay at Caesar's Palace and maybe, just maybe, justice would be restored. I mean, would it be so terribly wrong to become friends with somebody in the hopes you could get something out of it?

Later that week at eight, I was dressed to the nines, waiting for a party of ten outside of NoRTH, with my friend Maria. She and Isabel had combined forces and planned an impromptu dinner party at one of Tucson's hottest restaurants and I was bestowed an invitation to what would be an interesting night. As Maria had predicted earlier that week, married life did wonders for Isabel. She spoke with a voice that was more calm and less shrill and in a surprise I never saw coming, Isabel was less, dare I say...selfish? She was actually listening to people's stories rather than trying to top them and she was…well…just less selfish. You had to actually know Isabel in order to fully understand that last thought, but trust me, if I’m able to say that the girl who convinced her parents to let her "disappear" in Mexico for a couple of months during her senior year because she was "overwhelmed" and "stressed," was less selfish, then she was.

But being less selfish wasn’t the only change I saw in Isabel. During her barely three-week old marriage to Ed, Isabel had actually gained confidence. Not that she wasn’t confident before, but there was a sense that she was much stronger in spirit than before. Isabel was actually walking the walk, rather than just talking the talk, a task that was once believed to be as unfathomable as Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. But she was.

Like when she told Brenda’s new husband at work, he was wearing a nice shirt that complimented his biceps, that was something Isabel would never have done before. When Brenda called Isabel to ask why she was checking out her husband and Isabel told her to calm down and to stop being so paranoid, that was something she never would have done before. And when Isabel called out Brenda’s bluff, as Brenda tried to come up with a lie as to why she did not invite Isabel to her small wedding nuptials, despite the fact that it was Isabel who introduced Brenda to her husband, that completely let me know Isabel had changed. Getting those Las Vegas tickets now, would certainly not be an easy task.

Isabel had gone from mortal enemy number one to someone I could actually respect and, dare I say, like. Not that I didnt like her before, but obviously when we stopped being friends, she stopped being liked. The weird thing is, if she acted the way she does now, back when we were in high school, I dont think I would have been her friend. But now that she's changed...does that mean the qualities I look for in friends has too? In which case, that would mean I've changed. But I havent changed...have I?

all shook up

What's up. Ok, so I know I kinda fell off the face of the earth with no good-bye note or any kind of sign, but I think it's pretty much agreed that a twenty-something's life is filled with non-stop action. Especially if they're over the age of 21. I did write a post between Chrismahanukwanzakah and now, but I didnt post it because the material seemed more personal than public. Not that there's anything I wont share with most of you, but there was something about my post that meant more to me than it would to the average blogger. It's the unpublished file that'll probably never see the light of day. But then again...never say never...

It's too bad I didnt post it though. Because then I wouldnt have to explain about Madelaine #2 all over again.

Madelaine #2 was my newest friend at the Gap and my latest crush. Unlike my good friend Madelaine #1, Madelaine #2 wasnt capable of holding an intelligent conversation, but she did know enough words to make me laugh and keep me interested. That is until New Years Eve when I discovered she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who would propose to her later on that night.

MADELAINE #2: Yeah, my aunt, she's my age, told me the other day.
ME: Wow. That kinda ruins the whole surprise, doesnt it?
MADELAINE #2: Tell me about it. But at least it's given me some time to think.
ME: About what?
MADELAINE #2: About if I was ready or not.
ME: Well...how long have you been dating him for?
MADELAINE #2: Six months. I know, but it's gonna be a long engagement, so it's ok.
ME: So does that means tomorrow, you'll be off the market? No longer dateable?
MADELAINE #2: Yeah, I guess so. Which means if you wanna take me out, today's your last day.

I wasnt entirely sure what Madelaine #2 meant, but nonetheless, I found myself having lunch with her later that day. And it was actually kinda nice as we sat together and discussed teen marriage and how so many young people tried to buck the odds. Like my superficial, mortal enemy, the infamous Isabel who got married three days before Christmas this past year, to a guy we all thought was in the Special Ed class. What was the need to rush out and be known as Mrs. Isabel Dior? Wait. Never mind. And though I rolled my eyes at Isabel's reasonings, I still found myself sympathizing with Madelaine #2's reasons for getting engaged. Except for this nagging feeling I had in my stomach that kept telling me I was doing something not right. But I wasnt. Was I? The whole thing really had me all shook up.

I needed to ask Stella, my newest co-worker at Alice's Downtown Flower Market. She was currently involved with a guy who had a kid and was still techincally "married", though he was in the middle of a messy divorce, which was a direct result of discovering that his wife had tampered with the condoms after he admitted he wasnt ready for kids. Talk about your baby mama drama. According to Stella, if Madelaine #2 was still wanting to go out with other guys, even after knowing her current guy was serious about her relationship with him, then maybe it was a sign Madelaine #2 wasn't ready to make such a big commitment.

And I guess if looked at a certain angle, Stella would be right. But it still didnt answer my question if whether or not I was doing something bad. There wasnt really anyone, other than Stella, I could talk to without getting an answer full of instant judgement, which I really wasnt looking foward to. I guess if looked at a certain angle, you could say I already had my answer.

A few days later I went to the opening of the Broadway play All Shook Up, with Madelaine #1. We had gotten the tickets courtesy of a good friend who worked for Broadway in Tucson Inc., which was located in the same building of the flower shop. And because of the good connections we also got access to the Cast Party after the show. But it was during the middle of ACT II, when Chad and Natalie/Ed sang the song, "I Dont Want To" that I laughed. Partially because it was as if they knew my situation and partially because my phone was on vibrate, letting me know Madelaine #2 had just sent me a text. But I realized that sometimes when a situation arises, well, sometimes it's better to ignore your better judgement and read between the lines. Which I think is what I'm gonna do.

After all, it is a new year, which means it is a chance to experience new, exciting, challenging and significant adventures. So why not start now?