Wednesday, October 11, 2006

a tale of two birthdays

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, this wasnt a tale of two cities. This was actually a tale of my two-day weekend birthday.

It all started on the eve of my birthday. I was still undecided as to how I should and would celebrate my special day. Some believed a nice three course dinner at the Star Pass Marriot Resort was a nice idea. Some believed in the grand tradition of bar hopping around town. While others held a drunken strip club idea in the highest regards.

It wasnt until the day of my birthday that I had finally formulated a plan that would allow me to spend my special day with all my friends and family. Unfortunately, since I had taken so long, everyone assumed I just wasnt in the mood to celebrate. Some opted to babysit the children of old family friends. Some chose to go see their other friends perform in concerts. And some, like my good friend Maria, chose to go on a date with the new Colorado Rockies ball player.

His name was Rocky. They had seen each other around the U of A campus, but never really spoke to each other, until one fine day, when Rocky walked through the glass doors at Maria's job and asked her out. Of course, Maria would have to set the entire date up, since Rocky was staying at the Clarion Suite and had no car or the vaguest idea of what Tucson had to offer when it came to first dates. And so since I hadnt any real birthday plans of my own, Maria was much obliged to have a Friday dinner date for her own.

No plans, no friends, I knew my birthday would be just like any other day with no real signifcance and October 6 would soon fade away. That's when my friend Rose called. She was tired of waiting for an answer and planned an entire night of bar hopping with our friends. It was the nicest thing Rose had ever done for me...until she ruined the moment, when she asked to borrow my last twenty, promising to pay me back double later. But I didnt care because before I knew it, I was stumbling around drunk in the living room of our mutual friend Pamela, waiting for the rest of my birthday entourage to arrive.

And in a hotel room across town, Maria had arrived to begin her date with Rocky. Unfortunately, Rocky wasnt as ready as Maria, as she saw that he answered the door wearing only a pair of dirty denim jeans. Ironically enough, it was his roommate's birthday and Rocky felt bad for leaving his birthday friend all alone, and asked Maria if she minded just staying in for the night. It was enough to make Maria feel so bad and so guilty, she made an immeadiate mental note to triple my birthday gift and never cancel a date for a date ever again.

After everyone arrived, I left with Rose and her new boyfriend Jon, ready to paint the town red. Unfortunately, the only thing that was getting red was Rose's face when Jon complained to me that he hadnt been getting any. Sex, that is. No matter how hard he begged or promised, Rose just wasnt in the mood to have sex with Jon, which of course made her mad when he tried feeling her up in the car with me in the backseat. A heated argument ensued, forcing Rose to step out of the car, hoping Jon would put a pause to the unwanted sexual advances. Instead, he high tailed it out of there, leaving Rose in a dark neighborhood, and me with my slow-processing thoughts and a bottle of Chambord. I tried to convince Jon to go back and get my deserted friend, but that only angered him more, and I realized I was in the backseat of a car, being driven by a complete and total, unstable stranger. So, I asked to get out and with my bottle of Chambord by my side, I proceeded to find Rose, only to discover she left her phone in Jon's car.

The evening had turned into a royal mess. I was lost in a dark neighborhood on the corner of Broken Beer Bottle and Prostitute, with only a Visa and BlackBerry as my means for survival. Of course, in a neighborhood like this, a Visa and BlackBerry were also means for getting shot down and left to die behind the tall, yellow grass. My sexually harrassed friend was no where to be found and because I had just gotten my new phone, I didn't have the numbers to the rest of my entourage, and my parents would kill me if they knew where I was. There was just one person left to call.

Even though she was in the middle of dinner with another friend and the drummer and lead singer of a local rock band, Madelaine came to my rescue. When all seemed lost and I thought I would be an unfortunate story on the 10 o'clock news, Madelaine was there on the phone to guide me and lead me to a bus depot that would eventually take me into downtown, where Madelaine and her friend Bella would be waiting for me. I spent the rest of my night with Madelaine and Bella eating Taco Bell and learning how to ballroom dance before I eventually crashed out on Madelaine's bed and ended my birthday with a snore.

Meanwhile, in an empty hotel parking lot, across town, Maria was ending her date with Rocky. Though it wasnt like most "get-to-know-you" first dates, it was still fun. Rocky made Maria laugh and loved it when she confessed she barely knew anything at all about baseball. Minus the It was the perfect first date, that was forced to come to an end when Maria saw it was close to one. Her golden carriage was about to turn back into a pumpkin, when Robert asked Maria if she would dance with him. And right there, under the moonlight, in the deserted parking lot, they slow danced to bachata music, a popular Dominican Republic export, played from Rocky's cell phone.

A little while later, I awoke because I couldn't sleep and spent the rest of the night trying to recall the events of my birthday night wondering if Rose was alright, if I had actually just spent my night the way I did, and whether or not 2 tacos + 2 more late night mixed drinks would = an unpleasant sick brought up-4th from my stomach.

The next day after Madelaine took me home I decided to just stay in and sleep and wait another day to use my I.D. I had the entire house to myself since my dad decided to accompany my mother with her babysitting gig and my brothers were attending the 18th birthday party of a friend. But not for long. Feeling horribly horrible, Rose called the Friday entourage and after many apologies threw an outrageous party at my house.

The alcohol flowed freely and all were merry, and for a mere moment all was right within my kingdom. That is until early next morning, when I realized my family were expecting to come home to a sober and no alcohol zoning area. Never before in my life did I clean so fast or so hard and with Rose's help, windows were washed, carpets were cleaned, and my birthday weekend came to a smooth landing. Next year, I'm totally hiring a party planner.