text and the single girl

One of the things I promised myself, when I moved to Milwaukee was to shop locally. Buy produce from this farmer, buy a loaf of bread from this baker, that sorta thing. Just like they do in the unrealistic movies and television shows about single people living in a city. And what's nice about living in an up and coming neighborhood in Milwaukee, is that, everything is within walking distance. The only thing is, since I've never really shopped for groceries, I don't know how much of what, I should buy or keep stocked.

Thankfully, Gwen, being a single apartment dweller for a few years knew exactly what to buy and even managed to show me a few new things. Like how to make stir fry on a modest budget, how to incorporate pasta into every meal and the many uses for baguette bread. Apparently, not only is it good with a plate of various cheeses, but it seems, a baguette is good for bagging men who want absolutely nothing to do with you. And that's just what she did the other night.

After spending the night with Jack, Gwen returned to the apartment with a look of bliss on her face. Somebody obviously got laid. And what should have been a one time, simple night of lust, turned into a week of insanity. It started when Jack drove Gwen home and became livid, when she couldn't remember the exact directions back home. That should have been the first sign, that their dirty deed was nothing more than a one-night stand and that he simply was not interested. But to Gwen, it wasn't so obvious.

She kept texting, leaving voicemails, even sending a couple of emails, all to no avail. Why won't he call me back, she kept saying. I, along with many sexually, single active adults in the world knew that it was a one night stand, nothing more, nothing less. But to Gwen it made no sense. She couldn't understand why he made plans with her to meet up for dinners and peruse through art fairs and museums, even after they had sex.

I explained it was just a guy thing. He faked a future to get what he wanted in the present. Though the whole doing it after sex, was completely bizarre and new to me. I felt bad for Gwen. It's never good to be on the bad end of a one night stand and despite the fact that she did it with someone she barely knew, I still felt bad for her. Especially since she became an emotional wreck. She ignored my advice of forgetting Jack and walking away with what little dignity she had left. Instead, she sent another text:

"Hey Jack. It's me. Are you free tonight? I'd like to make you dinner, so let me know!"

It was so clingy, so pathetic, I could barely read the text without rolling my eyes and wonder how I was living with a desperate and needy person. And to think, I actually thought she was once cute. Ah, so young, so naive.

"Hey. Can't tonight. I'm gonna eat leftovers and then maybe go back to work. Some other time?"

It couldn't have been more obvious, than if he had painted the text on a brick wall and Gwen ran into it. What was she not getting? He's. Not. Interested. Was I seriously the only one that understood this? Later that night, Gwen decided to go to the store alone, claiming she needed to learn how to set up the clothing racks, before we opened and took with her, a light Parisian meal of grapes, cheese, prosciutto and of course, a baguette. While there, she text Jack again, saying she was by herself, at the store and had "a light meal for two". He, of course, came up with a lame excuse and passed on her dinner.

I'm starting to think, I should monitor her text messages.

the milwaukee blues

So, it's officially been one week that I moved out of my house, flew over 1800 miles to a new city and started a new life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I LOVE this city!

There are churches with tall steeples and local breweries on almost every corner. The houses all have tiny porches, with ornate wood details and a blanket of white, sparkling snow covers everything. The French, German, and Dutch influences on the architecture really make the city picturesque and idyllic, as if Walt Disney himself had designed it all for an unnamed themed land in one of his parks. And the weather isn't so bad. I really thought, that being a child of the desert, my body would go into shock and I would end up looking like Jack Dawson in that frozen ocean scene from Titanic, with blue-tinted skin and tiny, frozen icicles in my hair. But so far I'm good.

Our little apartment, is exactly just that - little. My old bedroom was as big as our living room, our sun room and my new bedroom combined. Now? It's this tiny square-looking thing with a tiny radiator and a tall window that faces a brick wall. Yet, somehow? I absolutely love it! I dont know it's the old-fashioned claw foot bathtub, or the tiny kitchen with the gas stove or how our back door leads down a flight of steps into a big backyard of soft white snow, or the simple fact that it's my apartment, but I absolutely love it all!

Gwen, the old manager from the coffee shop across my old job and the new manager of the store that I'm working for, had been living in the apartment already for a week, when I got there. The temperature was well into the negative territory, so her exploration of the city had been very limited. But after I arrived, the weather cleared and the city of beer and cheese was our oyster! We discovered local farmer markets and local breweries, like Lakefront Brewery, that had magnificently tasting beer. I, myself, have never preferred the taste of beer, thinking it was nothing more than bottled piss, but the beer here is actually flavorful and delicious. I think it has something to do with the fact that it's made in smaller quantities and doesn't need to have so many perservatives to last longer.

And thanks to the magic of beer, Gwen and I have made new friends; Sara and Jack. Sara grew up in Michigan and attended the University of Arizona back home, while Jack grew up in Milwaukee and recently just moved back after graduating from a school in Atlanta with a friend who knew both Gwen and Sara. If it was a movie, a director would have deemed the moment too coincidental for the film, but this was real life, and as we all know, life is a series of coincidences. The only thing that worries me about our new friends is, how determined Jack seems to be, in getting with Gwen and how easily Gwen is falling under his ruse.

Back in Tucson, Gwen left behind her boyfriend Ron of four years. She confided in me the other night that she didn't think her relationship with Ron would work out since long distance things never do. Gwen had no idea when she would return and when they parted, she left with the idea that her relationship with Ron had run its course and that they were no longer bound to each other. Ron, on the other hand, parted with the idea that the distance between them would make their hearts grow fonder and told everyone he knew in Tucson that the moment Gwen returned, he would propose. Gwen knew about his proposal, but ignored it. The very idea that someone back home was waiting for me to return and start a whole new life with them would have sent my heart soaring. But instead, it made Gwen run - run into the arms of Jack. And after a light dinner at Stonefly Brewery with our new friends, that's exactly what Gwen did, after she asked me if I had my house keys.

I was left to walk the block back to our home. Ultimately, it was Gwen's decision on how she chose to live her life, since I certainly cannot tell her who she can and can't see, but I couldn't help but think she was making a very terrible and very irreversible choice. And then it hit me. I'm an adult. A full-grown, tax-paying, choice-making, living-on-my-own adult. No more will I wake up again in my bed and see my family at the breakfast table. No more will I come home after school or work and ask my mom what's for dinner. I'm on my own now. I'll be making my own choices, my own decisions, because thats what adults like Gwen do in the real world. I guess a part of me knew this all along, but I never fully realized it until now. Kinda like when you hear that your favorite store is having a sale, but you never realize how good the sale is until you come home with bags after bags of new clothes.

I'm gonna be meeting new and different people and forming new and different relationships with them. Some of those relationships may fade, but some will last. And from those relationships that last, one will stick out more than the others and with it I'll be starting my own family, because that's how life goes. Gwen said people meet other people during the course of their life and form new relationships and ultimately change is inevitable. It was a true statement, but the boldness of it made me realize that the lives of my friends and family would move on without me.

I'm not a child anymore. I'm all grown up. And part of me wishes I could die right now, that way I can be forever young and have my life be just as it is, no more, no less. Just like James Dean. But then another part of me wants to see what the future has in store for me. To see where I'm going and how I get there. Everyone always talks about how liberating it is to be on your own, but no one ever mentions fear. The fear of realizing everything and everyone around you is changing and I know it sounds funny right now, but a part of me wishes my mom had fought harder to keep me in Tucson and a part of me wishes I would have actually listened.

Why is it that everyone around me seems to be able to move on to bigger and better things, yet I can't seem to just simply move? How does everyone do it? How does everyone make that transition into adulthood so smoothly? Is it just a facade of keeping up appearances or what? Because sometimes I do feel like a kid who's pretending to be an adult, just waiting for the red, velvet curtains to close the stage and end the play. Yet, I know, this isn't a play. This is real life. Am I just not as ready as I thought I was?

schlemiel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated

Somewhere, at an airport terminal in Texas, a young and wide-eyed traveler, ready to take on the world, but carrying way too much luggage, awaited his American Airline flight which would take him to Milwaukee and ultimately, his destiny.

That traveler, of course, is me.

In a mere matter of hours I will be in Milwaukee. Gwen, my new roommate, says an arctic blizzard is supposed to hit the area pretty soon. Hopefully it hits after I'm safe on the ground. Until then, I'm stuck waiting. Too bad my terminal isn't as fun as the one in the video, below.

Cool, huh? Is it just me, or do airport terminals seem like the first day of high school? You got the travelers who travel all around the world and know their way in and out, without missing a beat. They're the seniors. Then you got the freshman travelers who've never flown before and walk around with a scared and worried look, and continually look at their itineraries. Then you got the travelers like me. The ones who know just enough, to know what to expect and how to get where there going.

And I mean that both literally and figuratively. I don't know what Milwaukee has in store for me, but I know that if the people in Wisconsin really do talk like this, then I am going to have fun!

And for your consideration, I'm including some downloadable songs from an airplane mp3 mix a friend made for me. Maddie...the first one's for you.

1. For Good - LeAnn Rimes & Delta Goodrem
2. Twentysomething - Jamie Cullum
3. Purpose - The Original Broadway Cast of Avenue Q
4. Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
5. Don't Stop Believing - Journey
6. Come Fly With Me - Michael Bublé
7. Leaving On A Jet Plane - Chantal Kreviazuk
8. Leavin' - Jag Star
9. Learning To Fly - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
10. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
11. Moon River - Patty Griffin
12. Man From Milwaukee - Hanson
13. Love Is All Around - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
14. Making Our Dreams Come True - Cyndi Grecco (Theme from Laverne & Shirley)
15. Top Of The World - The Pussycat Dolls

decisions, decisions

Yesterday, I bought my plane ticket for Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I leave this Sunday! I contemplated whether or not I would arrive by plane or by train, and in the end, I decided a plane would be best, so I could have more time to be with the people I love.

And just as I was putting the final touches to my soon-to-be new life, another life was just ending. No sooner had I just finished reading my itenerary, then my grandma called. Someone close to our family had died. The lady that raised her step-brothers (my mom's step-uncles) had a stroke and died.

My grandma was in tears, and along with her broken English, it made it nearly impossible to understand her. But my aunts called soon after and that's when I learned an emergency family trip was being planned to El Paso, Texas for a weekend memorial/funeral service.

I only met the deceased once, when I was a mere child, so I don't have any memories of her. But now? Now that she's taking my family away from me to be with her, on my last weekend in Tucson? Well...one thing's for sure. I will remember this weekend for years to come.

I have until this evening to decide if I'm gonna stay in Tucson until Sunday or leave with my family to Texas and take a plane there to Milwaukee...

And just in case, any of you wondering, this is the current temperature in my new home.

goodbye home, hello unknown

The other day, I received a letter from my dad. I had spoken to him the day before, so it was a bit of a surprise to "hear" from again so soon. But it was a good surprise. Especially since he wrote me something, I needed to hear:

"It seems like you were always independent. Me and your mom gave you all the space you needed and tried to support you with your events that you enjoyed to do. David, me and your mom will always try to be there for you and will always love you. We want you to be happy whatever you may go on to do, just be careful in your choices."

Soon after I read the letter, my mom came home from work and told me that seeing me pack up all my belongings with total confidence gave her peace and comfort that I will be alright in a new city, all by myself. It was completely out of the blue and unexpected, but it's what I needed.

It hasn't phased me that in a few days time I will be leaving to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'm leaving everything and everyone I know to live a life of unknowns. It's a little weird. And truth be told? I'm a little scared. I've never done anything like this before and I still do wonder if I'm doing the right thing or making the biggest regret of my life. But it's that little doubt in my head, that keeps me going and doing what I'm doing. My bags are packed, I'm ready to go. And luckily, my first unemployment check just came in. All I have to do now is decide on a date of when I want to move in, just so long as it's between next Saturday and February 15, when the store opens. After that, it's goodbye home, hello unknown!

the move

Since the beginning of time, there comes a moment that has been repeated in all species of the animal kingdom. That moment when the fledgling tries it's wings and flies away from the nest. In all corners of the globe, though the destination of the fledgling may be different, the scene and the motivation is the same: independence.

And that's exactly why I have been packing up my stuff for the past few days. Independence. So, it looks like I will be leaving Tucson and start a new life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin as a clothing buyer for a new store. And it hasn't been easy. But not for reasons, you may believe.

My mother has decided to go on a non-stop rampage to try and stop me from going to Milwaukee. Like, the other day, for example: I was packing up a box with all my personal belongings and was just finishing with the first layer of packing tape, when all of a sudden my mother freaks out about the tape I was using.

"What are you doing?! You're using very expensive carpet tape to tape your boxes?! No! Absolutely not! That tape is very expensive and very hard to find! No, I am sorry, but, you cannot use any more!"

Who knew we had priceless, expensive tape laying around in our house? Priceless tape that could not be purchased just at an ol' carpet store, you know? And I couldn't just go out and buy tape, since I am still broke and I am still waiting for my unemployment check to kick in, which has been really hard to get, since Alice, my boss, has been very uncooperative. My mother said was an obvious sign that I probably shouldn't move. If I can't afford tape, how can I afford life in another city?

The other day, she asked me if my future boss knew I wasn't a good worker. Yeah. Just like that: "Does your boss know you're not a good worker?"

I asked her what she meant by that, and apparently, she doesn't think I go the extra mile in my work. That I don't perform at an exceletory level. Ok, so "exceletory" isn't a real word, but the point still stands. She wasn't basing her bias opinion on my job performance at work. She was basing it on the work I do at home, which apparently isn't top-notch. At least, by her standards.

She's even told me, that once I'm gone she's converting my room into a family room, by knocking down the wall that's connected to the living room. More open space, as she calls it. More open space? That's what my room will be when I'm gone? Space?! Once my brother got word of her ideas, he started arguing with her claiming he was gonna make my bedroom, his, since he was the second to oldest. Then, my younger brother went off about how he was promised the bigger room when we moved again, and since I was moving, the promise still counted. My bed isn't even cold and the memory foam mattress still has my ass print on it, and already my family is fighting over my room.

Granted, it is a desirable room, because it used to be a dining room when we first moved into the house, and nobody wanted the room because it wasn't a typical "bedroom" and it had tile, not carpet, which made it less homely. Since, I was the last one to see the house, I didn't get dibs on any of the bedrooms, so I got stuck with it. And since that time, I've transformed it into a small studio apartment of sorts. I put in bookcases, a desk with a hutch, an armoir, a whole seating area with a club chairs and a big sleigh bed right in the middle. And now everyone wants it and soon every memory of me in that room will be just that - a memory.

In some twisted, demented, and deluded way, this is probably my family's way of making me give Milwaukee a second thought and to keep me from going. Especially my mother's idea. But I couldn't let her stop me. My mind was set. In fact, it's been set since December 24. That was the day I got an email with my results from the oral interview I had with the Records Specialists at the Police Department. Before opening the email, I knew I had to make a decision soon. And I chose Milwaukee. Something in my heart told me Milwaukee was for me. That it was this giant waiting room, where I had to put in my time and soon enough my name would be called and I would go on to do bigger and better things.

That's why I never opened the email. I didn't want it to make me second guess my decision. Because if I opened up that email and it said I had passed my interview and would move on to the next level, my head would battle my heart and tell me to go and I would still be no closer to coming to a decision. But now that I was at a decision, my mother was not making it any easier on me.

Is this normal parent-child behavior? I've never done this before, moving out and living on my own, and I always had this image in my head that when the time came, it would be a family-type event where everyone would help and pack and everything would be done in a few hours. Do parents really make the moving process difficult on their children?