When Celebrities Flirt

Working retail on Black Friday, is one of the most challenging events a young adult could ever face. All those desperate women, fighting for the last of the last, begging you to help them out. It was like last call at any bar U.S.A. I tell ya...if it wasnt for the fact that they were after a George Foreman grill, I would so be turned on.

But the women werent the only one's that were desperate.

As I stood next to my new friend Christine, bagging the early shopper's purchases, we laughed and made comments about the weird shoppers.

CHRISTINE: Did you see what that one lady got?
ME: You mean all those grannie panties?
CHRISTINE: Yes!
ME: I know! Why doesnt she just wear a shirt that says: "VIRGIN AND PROUD OF IT!"?
CHRISTINE: Or even, "YOU WONT SEE THIS MOMMY KISSING SANTA!"
ME: No. No, dude. No.
CHRISTINE: Shut up. Mine was good!
ME: Yeah. No.

It was all fine holiday fun and games until this thin, 30-year old looking, bald guy with horse teeth started to talk to us.

GUY: WOW...dont you two look lovely? You both have really nice eyes.

Which was true. We both have blue eyes. And set against our dark brown hair, we were both total knockouts, if I do say so myself. Except, nothing about my features was au natural. Thank God for L'Oréal #5 and 1-800 CONTACTS.

So we thanked him, and continued scanning and bagging his purchases, while he continued to talk. To me.

GUY: So, I know you, but I dont think I've met you before. Are you new here?
ME: Oh, well, sorta, kinda. It's kinda like a test-out sorta thing, you know?
GUY: Oh, ok, that's cool. Right on.
ME: Yeah. Right on...
GUY: And so if you get the job, your gonna work cashier right?
ME: Oh, I dont know. I guess. Maybe.
GUY: You should. I think you'd be real great at it. You have that special sorta something thing with customers.
ME: Thanks.
CHRISTINE: That'll be $212.59.

As this guy, paid for his purchases, I realized his voice was really familiar. I just didnt know where from.

CHRISTINE: $7.41 is your change, and you have a nice day.
GUY: Thanks. It was nice talking to you...to you...
ME: Oh, um...Luke.
GUY: Luke. I'm Ken. Ken Carr. See you later.
CHRISTINE: Oh my...do you know who that was?
ME: Yeah. He said, "Ken. Ken Carr." The fool thinks he's James Bond. Werent you listening?
CHRISTINE: No! That was Ken! Ken Carr from the radio!
ME: From 93.7 KRQ?
CHRISTINE: No! From 104.1 The Point!
ME: He switched stations? When did that happen?
CHRISTINE: Hello?! That's not the point! He was hitting on you!
ME: Shut up, liar! He was not hitting on me. He was talking to me.
CHRISTINE: Exactly.
ME: Besides, he said , we both have nice eyes. Remember?

CHRISTINE: Yeah, but he was talking only to you.

ME: Oh, and so it's my fault I've got the gift of gab? Besides, Ken Carr is not gay. He has a wife. They did a afternoon show, remember?
CHRISTINE: No. Dude, I dont think he has a wife. I think he likes the boys, if you know what I...

ME: Will you stop talking and just scan? Sheesh.

I wondered if Christine was right. Was Ken Carr gay? I mean, I know radio DJ's can be gay, but it never really crosses your mind. You just turn the radio on, hope the DJ's say and play something witty, and then you just turn em' off and continue with life. These local celebrities really dont play a factor in your life, as much as the one's showcased on the cover of US Weekly. But these local celebrities dont flirt with people like you and me. They flirt with other celebrities. Right?

And then it happened. Yesterday morning, I'd thought I'd tune in to 104.1 to chek out this Ken Carr fellow, and he totally gave Kohl's a good name, which did not make me feel so good.

KEN CARR: So I go into Kohl's for my After-Thanksgiving-Day Sale, and I gotta say...Kohl's is my new favorite place! I mean, the people there are so awesome and they make you feel real comfortable. And when you go to buy your stuff, you feel like your talking to a friend and not someone who just wants your money. I'm telling you...shop at Kohl's everyone!

Thanksgiving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving y'all! So, get this. Monday afternoon, Kohls called me. Apparently, they liked what they read on my application. Go figure. I guess they completely forgot about the small episode I created earlier that day, which was fine by me!

So yesterday, I went in for my group interview. Out of all the interviews I've ever had, this, by far, was the best. Most interviews are done one by one, and as we all know, those are the most stressful. Your nervous, your hands get all clammy, and while you sit and try to look relaxed, you end up looking constipated and sweaty. But this one was different.

In this interview, we all sat around a table, while the interviewee asked questions, that we answered as a group. All the answers were totally perfect and right on key. And because we all did such a good job, we all got jobs. Well...sorta.

We all filled out the proper paperwork (tax papers, drug testing, etc), but the interviewee said she still had to do background checks. Which is starting to freak me out. What if they find my record that says I was accused of shoplifting from my old job? I didnt get fired, because I had the option of retiring, but still. Is it a felony or a misdeamenor? Should I tell them before hand or just wait it out and tell them only if they find something?

I start my first day, tomorrow morning (aka Black Friday), and I still dont know what to do. But at least, I'm getting a paycheck, so thats one thing I'm thankful for!

Kaught At Khols

So, as most of y'all know, I have not worked since September, after I was fired for "stealing" a can of green tea (see September 23). And since then I have been desperately looking. The same way that one chick (aka Slutly Slutenstein) who's been looking for her baby daddy on The Maury Show.

Meanwhile, you'd think after 10 failed paternity tests with 10 different guys, you'd give up. But no. Slutly Slutenstein was determined to find the answer. No matter how many people were judging her, calling her names behind her back and to her face, she didnt give up. In a way, this slut was an inspiration. But circling all the want-ads, checking on-line, and filling out countless applications was getting me no where.

Until one day, I saw it. There it was, waving across in the wind, like a pair of boxers at a camp flag post. A sign, that read "Now Hiring." Kohls was hiring! Immeadiately, I went in and asked for an application, hoping the xerox-ed paper was an answer from Heaven.

Before I had been convicted of stealing a can of 99 cent green tea, I had always put down that I had never been convicted of, found guilty of, plead guilty to, or addmitted guilt to a crime. But after my September hearing, filling out applications made me wonder what the right answer should be.

The judge did tell me I had the option of taking a diversion class that would help with my supposed kleptomania problem and promised that if I took it, the charges would be dropped. I havent taken the class just yet, but I have made payments on it, which is just as good, right? Besides, what respectable establishment, in their right mind, would hire a convicted felon? Actually I think Wal-Mart would, but I still have my dignity...I think. And since it's best to err on the wrong side, I've been check marking "NO."

So anyways, the other day, on my way to class, I stop by Kohl's to turn in my application. I thought it would be a little weird if I walked in with just the paper, so I my carried my application in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Backpack.

Once I got in the store, I placed the bag in a stroller and was immeadiately greeted by a barefoot male cashier. That's right...barefoot. As in no shoes or socks. Just feet. Odd to say, but the sight of the Barefoot Contessa, with the red streaks in his hair, gave me a small ray of hope. If they're this relaxed with their employee's, then I was a total shoe-in.

I walked around the store with my new found confidence and made my way towards the back, to the customer service. But just before reaching my final destination, I made a small detour to the ornament section. Obviously, I had to have the application in hand before reaching the counter. So I hid behind the ornaments, reached into the stoller, and pulled out my application. While doing so, several elderly women were looking my way, with a gasping look on their face, as if I just told them all that tapioca was no longer a dessert option. I quickly turned away from the decaying divas and continued along my merry little way.

Not five seconds after I turned my application in, were those elderly women approaching me with pitch forks and torches. Ok, so they werent pitch forks and torches. But one should never underestimate the power of the elderly when they carry an over sized crocheted tote bag and wear orthepedic shoes. Especially when they're coming towards you with the Barefoot Contessa.

BAREFOOT CONTESSA: Excuse me, sir, can you please follow me?
ME: Why?
BAREFOOT CONTESSA: Sir, we have reason to believe you are in possesions of some items that do not belong to you.
ME: What? No I dont!
BAREFOOT CONTESSA: Sir, follow me, please.
ME: Whatever! I'm leaving. I am not a theif.
DECAYING DIVA 1: He was acting suspicous! I saw him looking at the ornaments and hunching over his cart!
BAREFOOT CONTESSA: Ma'mm...
DECAYING DIVA 2: I saw him put something in! It's in his cart! Look!
ME: Whatever! Your glasses are too thick!
BAREFOOT CONTESSA: Sir, please...
ME: No. Bye!

And I left...both the store and my chances of ever getting hired there. I mean, really, what are the chances the hiring manager will ignore the small scene I created in the store? I totally should have taken something and just returned it later for store credit...

Maybe It Does Take Two

One year ago, my friend Priscilla met this really cute Jamaican guy named TJ. TJ was the general manager of a local Papa John’s eatery and, at the time, he was everything she was looking for. He was charming, sweet, well-mannered, and not married. He did, however, have three children with three different ex-girlfriends.

But that didn’t stop Priscilla from dating him.

Priscilla believed she was the one person who would be able to change TJ. She believed she had the power to help TJ see the error in his ways. She made it her mission to improve TJ, and make him the boyfriend of her dreams. But, she was too late. After several months of dating, Priscilla discovered that she was pregnant and TJ was no where near her expectations of a dream boyfriend.

During the first few months of what was supposed to be young lovers bliss, the young lovers fought endlessly and had restraining orders put on one another. They weren't just crazy in love. They were crazy.

After one night in jail, two court-appointed counseling sessions, and three months of crying over TJ I realized I had to help my friend out. Stressing and obsessing over a guy, who obviously was no longer interested in her was just not healthy. Besides, she kept calling me during peak hours when I did not have free minutes.

I explained to Priscilla that having TJ in her life wasnt as important as she thought. I mean, sure they were gonna have a kid together, but that didnt mean they needed to be together. Rachel and Ross showed us that during the eighth season of Friends.

After I shared my wisdom of Oprah with Priscilla, I began to wonder if I had said the wrong thing.

Growing up with a single parent isnt something I've experienced, but its something that I have seen with members of my own family. Two of my aunts are divorcees with children and I've seen them struggle, trying to live everyday life and sacrificing everything for my cousins. Both of their ex-husbands are your basic dead-beat dad, and so I really do admire them for surviving the hardships they've endured. But I wonder if having a male figure in both their lives and my cousins' lives, would help.

Maybe it does take two members of the opposite sex to raise a child. I know for me, I would be one clueless human being if I didnt have my mothers love or my fathers wisdom. I probably would have survived without one or the other, but I'm very thankful, that I was raised with both. And even my friend Thomas, who has two mothers, I know his mother Lou Ann, went out of her way to make sure Thomas had a male role model while growing up. I never asked him why, but I always felt it was because there are some things fathers can bring to the table, and there are some things mothers can bring to the tables. And since parents are gonna screw up their children anyways, why not have both sides do it?

I decided to bring my new found wisdom to the table, and talk to Priscilla about including TJ in her life.

We has lunch the other day, and because she is due in early December, we discussed how the last few weeks of her pregnancy should be spent. She thought, sitting at home with her feet up on the coffee table, re-reading old issues of US Weekly was the perfect way to pass the time, whereas I thought she should patch things up with TJ.

PRISCILLA: David, I just want to thank you so much!
ME: For what?
PRISCILLA: For helping me realize that I dont need a man in my life...
ME: Oh...
PRISCILLA: ...and that I can do this all by myself. TJ is nothing but a piece of shit! I so do not need his triflin' ass! I dont fuckin' care who he sleeps with, just as long as his child support check is in the mail! You know what I'm saying?
ME: So then, wait. Will he be a part of your life? Yours and the baby's?
PRISCILLA: Hell no! Just the paycheck part and thats it!
ME: Really? But dont you think he needs some kind of male role model in his life?
PRISCILLA: What do you mean?
ME: Well, I mean, I'm sure you'll do a good job raising the kid and whatever, but like you cant teach him everything. You know? Like he's gotta have some guy around to talk to when he goes through puberty.
PRISCILLA: I guess.
ME: I mean no matter how many books you throw at him, it's always more comforting to hear someone else talk about it. About the changes and stuff.
PRISCILLA: Well, thats why I have you, my brother, my tio...dont worry. This baby will be well-loved and well-taken care of. He dont need no male role model, like TJ!
ME: Yeah. But still. Dont you want your baby to know the father? To have some kind of part in its life? I mean, I wont always be around like a father will, and I'm pretty sure once your brother and tio have their families, they wont be around as often, you know?
PRISCILLA: I dont know...

And so, I guess my real question is: Is it wrong to try to put back together a failed relationship for the sake of a child? Even though both parents cant stand to be in the same room with each other and they've both said, several times, that they want nothing to do with one another, is it wrong to try and make things work? Or am I like Priscilla, thinking I have the power to change people? Is it just wishful thinking? If so, should I just then accept the things I cannot change, or just try harder?

Two Souls And A Funeral

There are only two times when it is appropriate to discuss the souls of others. One involves a séance with a group of your closest friends. The other is for entertainment purposes to be shared with a group of blogging strangers.

The soul that I wish to discuss is Barbara. Barbara was a figure in the Tucson community and a major philanthropist. She was also my neighbor.

The summer we moved into our house was the summer after I graduated from high school and got fired from my first real job. With all that extra time on my hands, I was in charge of unpacking and rearranging our house. During that time, I also got to meet and greet our new neighbors.

Barbara and her husband Richard greeted us with a basket of goodies, including a rotisserie chicken, a bottle of Yellow Tail, and vanilla candles. It was nice to see warm and friendly people welcome us with a gentle hand of friendship. Unfortunately, that hand of friendship extended further than it should have.

The small windows in our bathroom overlook into our neighbor’s yard, exposing nothing but brick. However, when looked at a certain angle, some windows at the front of our house, exposed not only their entire front yard, but Barbara’s dirty secrets as well.

Every morning at eight, Richard would leave to work. And every morning at a quarter past, a strange man in a dark midnight-blue Saturn would pull up to the drive way, go inside and about an hour or so later, he’d leave. Nothing bizarre about a mid-day visit. Unless of course, it turns out to be a mid-day sex snack in the sack. There they were, Mr. and Mrs. Get-It-On-Like-There’s-No-Tomorrow. An adulterous couple so into each other, that I had no choice but to watch them bang like bunnies.

Barbara continued her affair throughout the entire summer and then some. It wasn’t until I attended a neighborhood barbeque, that I figured out that the strange man was Richard’s cousin. It was nice to put a name to the gyrating ass I had seen all summer, but it was sad to know that Richard had a cheating wife and a back-stabbing cousin.

If I was smart and heartless, I would’ve black-mailed Barbara and lived off her and her husband’s income for a while. Unfortunately, I no longer have that option.

This past weekend, Barbara’s daughter called and informed us that Barbara had died. Barbara and Richard were vacationing in Mexico and driving down a dirt road, when all of a sudden, the truck flipped, and crushed them both. They were soon flown back to Tucson to the UMC hospital, both in critical condition. Sadly though, Barbara did not pull through.

Because we were her closest neighbors, Barbara’s daughter has asked our family if we would be willing to do a small reading at the funeral. And because I’m the writer of the family, the job has been bestowed upon me. How am I supposed to write the eulogy of a cheating wife, mother, and neighbor? Should I tell Richard about what I know of his wife, or should I let his soul go to the grave, thinking he had a faithful wife and loyal cousin?

Is it wrong to speak ill of the dead, when the dead did ill acts while they were alive? Or no? The thing that haunts me the most is I may have been the last person Barbara spoke to. When she and Richard left last Wednesday evening, she called me and asked if I would be so kind as to collect the mail and newspapers and hold them until they returned from Mexico.

And if that wasn’t strange enough, last night at around one in the morning, I saw a strange car pull up to my neighbor’s house and drive around the mailbox. Someone got out and approached the mailbox. I didn’t get a good look at the person, cuz of the tree in front of my window, but I did sense that something wasnt right.

The next morning I went to go "collect" the mail for my neighbors and when I opened the mailbox, I was shocked. On the inside of the mailbox Richard and Barbara had placed label stickers of their names on either side. Barbara's name was missing. Should I be worried for my soul right about now, or not?

Cheep! Cheep Ass!

Yesterday, my friend Veronica and I decided to do lunch at McDonald's befofre math class. I swear, that Dollar Menu is God's gift to college students everywhere. If only they installed a Bowflex at every booth...

Anyways, so we order our food, sit down, chat and chew the cud. During the course of our fast food fiesta, Veronica looks into her bag and is surprised to find a Happy Meal toy. She opens it up and its this cute little gold fish with a cute little helmet on, that pops out of a small space ship. Instantly, Veronica fell in love with the cute little gold fish and totally went goo-goo ga-ga over it!

VERONICA: Oh, just look at it! It's so adorably cute!

ME: Yeah, it is cute.

VERONICA: Awww, and look at its little smile and little chubby cheeks!
ME: Yeah...

VERONICA: It's just so small and tiny and it's so cute to hold! It needs my love!

ME: Ok, Mother Love, calm yourself! There are people around us and they are looking at us for all the wrong reasons!

But Veronica went right on smothering the poor toy and even held it up to her cheek in a loving, yet terribly disturbing, way.

After we finished our food, Veronica and I stood up to throw our food trays out. Veronica did hers first and then went over to stand by the door. I noticed she was toy-less and holding only a medium diet coke.

ME: V! Where's your toy?
VERONICA: Oh, I threw it away.
ME: What?! Why?
VERONICA: David I wasnt planning on keeping it.
ME: Yeah, but you were so...
VERONICA: Besides, it would have just stayed in my car forever and gotten in the way. I dont need more junk in my car.
ME: Yeah, but, I thought you liked it!
VERONICA: Well, yeah, but what do I need a little Happy Meal toy for?
ME: Veronica! You could have given that toy to some poor homeless kid on the street who cant afford toys!
VERONICA: Yeah! Cuz all homeless kids want toys and not food!

And thats when I did it. I put my tray on top of the trash, got on my knees and dug through the trash. As I sit here and think about it, I dont know why I did it. I guess cuz, as a kid, I used to collect and save my toys from McDonalds or Burger King. I swear, every toy they gave out from 1987 to 1995, I own. They serve no purpose, other than being my chachkas (aka dust collectors) but I still treasure them because they are a part of my childhood. And I remember as a kid, if I got the same toy again, I would either a) exchange it at the counter or b) give it to some kid whose parents didnt believe in the wholesome goodness of cheese burgers and chicken nuggets.

Veronica was horrified as I dug my way through the soggy french fries and jalepenos (Oy, I swear, only in Arizona will you see the people putting jalepenos on everything!), but just guess how I felt! I mean, how spoiled are you to throw away a perfectly good toy? Didn't she ever see the movie Toy Story? Sheesh...

VERONICA: David! Get up! People are looking!
ME: Well hold on! I almost...
VERONICA: I will buy you a new toy! Just please get up!
ME: No! I want this one!
VERONICA: People are looking!
ME: And?
VERONICA: It's for all the wrong reasons!
ME: Let them look! I cant believe you threw away your toy!

Eventually I rescued the toy from it's plastic bag prison and soon we were on our way to school. Veronica blabbed about how embarassing it was for me to rescue a toy from the trash

VERONICA: Even the manager was laughing his ass off!
ME: So?! When your that old and still have acne, who are you to judge?
VERONICA: I'm just saying, you shouldnt be digging through trash.
ME: V, it wasnt that big a deal. I betcha there is a kid out there looking for this toy and I am going to make his day when I go and give it to him.
VERONICA: Are you gonna tell him you dug it out of the trash?
ME: Well, no, but I'm gonna wash it first.
VERONICA: You are such a cheap ass.

And then I wondered of how much of a cheap ass I really am. I dont think I'm a cheap ass, but then there are some things I do, that can be considered cheap ass, but I like to think of it as a smarter way to save time and money. It's the only way of life I know how to live, you know?

Ever since I was a kid, I've known how to save a buck or two. If there was a sale and only one jacket left, I'd hide the jacket behind the linen section and bring it out the day of. It's how I'm able to own a ton of clothes and still have a ton left over. I mean, my first words were, "Can I take it back if I already wore it?" And I can list you a number of friends who have thanked me for teaching them the proper way to hide the tags in their clothing, that way they can return it the next day for a whole new outfit. And thats not being frugal. It's being smart...right?

California Fun In The Sun

What a bomb-ass Halloween! If your looking for a new way to celebrate the haunted holiday, I totally recommend going to an amusement park for the weekend of Halloween cuz it's so much fun!

My brother Caleb entered into some contest online and won a pair of tickets to Six Flags. And then the other day we heard something that at Six Flags one of the roller coasters rides backwards, and so we had no choice but to check it out.

FRIDAY:
Orignially, this was going to be a family trip, but last minute my mom and my middle brother Daniel canceled. My mom's excuse? She couldnt find a sub for her preschool class and so couldnt take time off. My brother's excuse? Couldnt find anything to wear that didnt make him look like an Arizona-ian. He wanted to look California-ian.

Which I guess means, he thinks Arizona is stuck in a time warp of 1872, where the men wear boots and 10 gallon hats and the women wear hoop skirts and bonnets. And it's like hello?! We are blessed with Hollister, Abercrombie, and like 3 malls that are all within 25 minutes of driving distance of each other. I dont know what he was thinking, but it was his loss. So, it was just me, my dad, my lil' brother Caleb, and an open road.

Seven hours later, after a long-ass drive, we found ourselves somewhere between San Diego and Anaheim, lost and tired. It took some time, but after complaining for 20 minutes, my dad pulled over and asked for directions. (I know guys arent supposed to ask for directions cuz it isnt right, but I knew we needed help, which made me right and my dad wrong, which made me happy, so boo-ya!)

We stop at this burger/martini bar called Tropics, and lo and behold who do I see but my cousin Katrina! It was a total surprise, since we hadn't planned on seeing each other, but there she was, all decked out like she was going to a party. And she was. A Hollywood Halloween party! Since her and her friends were gonna be busy on Saturday and couldnt exactly go out on Halloween night, they planned to party the Friday before and invited me to go along!

So imagine lil' ol' desert bumpkin, Arizona-ian, me, arriving on Hollywood Blvd. by a Limo Excursion! I know! Totally hot! We went to this Drag Bar/Club and had one hell of a time dancing and singing! And lemme tell ya...those men with their high heels and adam apples can sure bust a move with their fake busts! I even got the guts to go on stage and sing "I Got You Babe" with a drag Cher and got a standing ovation! I even got to meet that chubby red-head kid from The Sandlot (his name's 'Patrick' by the way and not 'chubby-red-head-kid-from-Sandlot'...dont ask) and Mayim Bialik (she played Bette Midler as a kid in the movie Beaches) and omg!, they are so down-to-earth people. Especially Mayim. But then again, when you're the adoptive parents of a whale, a wolf and a manatee, what else do you expect? (and I mean, besides a smelly house!)

SATURDAY:
We woke up the next day and decided to go to Disneyland and California Adventure. After all, how many times does one get to go to a 50th anniversary? (I already went during the summer with some friends, so I guess that means twice...) I've been to Disneyland every summer (and sometimes during November!) since I was 9 months old, and I have never gotten tired of it. Something about being in a place where you can visit the past, the future, and your childhood dreams all in one place just means a lot to me.

I think the thing I like most about it, is that it's a place where your dreams can come true. And it's just so much fun and so sweet when you get to see a small child or a retarded kid in a wheel chair look up and see their favorite princess or Disney animal walking down Main Street U.S.A.

Plus they had the entire park decked out in a 50th anniversary/ Halloween/ Christmas decor and it was totally awesome! Especially The Haunted Mansion ride. They fixed it up with all this Nightmare Before Christmas stuff, and put a total new spin on the ride. But some of the rides didnt even need decor to get you in the Halloween spirit. At The Tower of Terror ride, the ride cast members were so gloomy, it was like the entire crew was PMS-ing, which made the ride even scarier, cuz it seemed like half the crew really wished the elevator would plummet us to our death! So much fun!

And the fire works and the parades and all the Disneyland magic...you just cant put a price on it. (except, they have, and well...let's just say y'all better have a good credit card with some good credit!)

SUNDAY:
We finally made our way to Six Flags and OMG! That was fun! Well sorta. We got to the park a half hour after it opened and ran over to this roller coaster called "X". It's this way cool roller coaster that does a 360 degree spin, flips fowards and backwards, and just leaves you totally speechless. Or so we read. We waited in line for 2 1/2 hours before learning that the ride had shut down and would no longer be running that day.

Totally sucked, but when your surrounded by other roller coasters, why be miserable? Like sex, we rode each roller coaster fast and hard and had one helluva good time! And like sex, we had to work hard to get to the roller coaster. Six Flags isnt really laid out well, cuz there's all these up and down hills and few benches and it really takes a lot out of you.

Nightfall came and soon the entire park was covered with this spooky fog. And hidden in this fog and in the shadows were all these park employees dressed as monsters and psychotic people and it was their job to scare the shit out of people. And boy, did they do a good job. Especially in the haunted houses that were set up all around the park. Unfortunately, they did too good of a job.

As we stood in line, wathcing the shennanigans of scary monsters and terrified customers, I had my own scary moment. Ok, so I'm minding my own business when all of a sudden the trashcan behind me bangs real loud and this 4 ft man with 3 ft long arms comes "walking" (it was more of a 'I-cant-walk-so-good-on-my-right-foot') from behind and I jumped and gave a small yelp. Turns out, the guy wasnt one of the costumed freaks, but a janitor with a limp and a disability. How I was supposed to know?! I felt so horrible, but when you hire out costumed actors to act like hired employees...it's just bad taste. Thank God, that was my last day in L.A., but certainly not my last time!