Ok, so last week, when I was writing my latest post about my latest adventures around town, I realized I had way too many things to talk about. Things like the Centurion Casino Royale Party, my friend Madelaine’s birthday dinner, and of course, Colette. And if I had this many things to talk about, it probably meant that the work part of my life, you know, the boring part, was suffering. Ugh. Which explains my absence. That and the fact that something, awesomely cool has happened.
It all started two years ago when Mr. Scott Wolley, my English teacher showed the entire class the classic movie, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? It was so dark and intense…I loved it. And so did Madelaine, who sat right next to me in class. So it only made sense that we both would go see the play when it came to town. And lo and behold, when the day finally came, I knew exactly who to call, once I got my free tickets from Broadway In Tucson.
The morning of the play, it seemed as if the entire city was in a frenzy over the arrival of Mrs. Kathleen Turner. The Broadway in Tucson staff was running around, like little children in the schoolyard, playing tag while we, at the flower shop, were preparing extravagant arrangements for Mrs. Kathleen Turner and entourage. It was so exciting to create something that would be appreciated and housed in the dressing room of a Hollywood legend. While, I was making Mrs. Kathleen Turner’s arrangement, I kept picturing how I would present the flowers to her and what I would say.
“Hello, Kathleen.” Too friendly.
“Hello, Mrs. Turner.” Too formal.
“Hello, Mrs. Kathleen Turner.” Too used.
“Hello, Mrs. Kathleen Magnificently-Opulent-Tremendously-Talented-Stupendously-Spectacularp-Gargantuan-Goddess of Film, Television and Stage Turner.” Perfect.
And what was even more perfect, was my plan to have her sign my DVD copy of Romancing the Stone and record my voicemail at the cast and crew party, which I made certain the staff of Broadway In Tucson invited me to. I had to meet her and get her autograph and voice on my phone. Imagine. Whenever somebody would call, I would have the one and only voice of Mrs. Jessica Rabbit telling all my friends and family to leave me a voicemail. Wow.
Later that night, me, Madelaine, and a couple of our friends sat in Row D, and watched a couple of couples play verbally, savage games against one another. It was terribly dramatic and oh so intense. Like an episode of Jerry Springer that you know you should turn away from, but cant help watch with amazement (God, I hope Edward Albee never hears me compare his work of art to low-class, trashy entertainment…) It was so surreal to see Mrs. Kathleen Turner and Bill Irwin (who played Mr. Lou Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Mr. Noodle in all those Elmo’s World videos…don’t ask how I know…just trust me) on stage instead of on the big screen, performing for us mere mortals.
After the play, Madelaine and I attended the cast party, at the historic Congress Hotel. It was the perfect setting for an intimate dinner with a celebrity. Walking across the marbled foyer into a room of rich, dark wood with , I felt like one of those old-time black and white movie stars. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I go to Disneyland and ride The Hollywood Tower of Terror. Soft lighting, smooth jazz, and delicious baby lamb chops. This was one big budget, for one big star. And speaking of big stars, I wondered where Mrs. Kathleen Turner was. It wasn’t until I was seated, that I realized I had just walked right by Mrs. Kathleen Turner’s table. For a big Hollywood legend, you’d think she’d walk around with her own lighting. You know, to shine and stand out in the crowd. I mean, I would. But there she was. Sitting across from me, at the next table over, looking all legendary and Hollywood, just like I imagined she would be. Here was my chance to meet some greatness.
But when I got up to meet Mrs. Kathleen Turner, so did Madelaine, my boss Alice, and her friend Julia, editor-in-chief of the local Arizona Jewish Post. Guess my meeting with Mrs. Kathleen Turner would have to be in groupie form. Ugh. There we were, not two feet away from Mrs. Kathleen Turner in stunned silence. That is until Julia broke the silence and asked Mrs. Kathleen Turner if she could bother her for an autograph. As Mrs. Kathleen Turner obliged, Julia then introduced her to Alice, as the lady who provided the snapdragons that were used on stage and the flowers that were placed in her dressing room. That’s when Madelaine got the bright idea to market Alice’s Downtown Flower Market using the simple slogan, “Flowers, as seen on stage with Mrs. Kathleen Turner,” which made Mary excited, which made Julia talk about possible advertising ideas, which made Mrs. Kathleen Turner annoyed. You could tell by her forced smile, she was not amused to hear everyone talk about a flower shop when she was standing right there, waiting to be worshipped. She even refused Madelaine’s request for a photo-op, saying she was tired. It was so humiliating. Was I the only one that knew how to act around a celebrity? Was I the only one who knew that when in the presence of a celebrity, you’re supposed to bow and speak only when spoken to?
And for a brief few moments, I lost all hope that I would ever get to shake hands with Mrs. Kathleen Turner or even get her to sign my DVD. It seemed as if it just wasn’t gonna happen. But then, thanks to the great support of my friends, I got my confidence back. Everyone at the cast party knew I was on a mission to get Mrs. Kathleen Turner to sign my DVD and when they saw that my first try had failed, they encouraged me to try again. After all, nobody gets to meet celebrities by sitting on their ass. Unless, of course, you have the TV set to Access Hollywood or the E! Network.
I had two choices. I could continue to sit and eat my skewered lamb chops, which were served on the same plate, by the same caterer, in the same intimate setting as Mrs. Kathleen Turner or, I could get up, walk right up to her, and have her sign my DVD and record my voicemail. And that’s exactly what I did.
ME: Mrs. Kathleen Turner, my name is David Tellez and I am a HUGE fan I loved you in The Man with Two Brains and Serial Mom, The Virgin Suicides, Chandler's Dad you are so amazingly terrific and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to honor me by signing my copy of Romancing the Stone I loved you in this movie because you are so incandescent and if you hold on real quick, let me just pull this cover out and oh my God, this is so embarrassing because my friend wanted me to ask you to do my voicemail, but never mind about that, thank you so much for doing this for me, you have no idea how much this means to me thank you, thank you, thank you...
Not once did I breathe or leave any room for punctuation or for Mrs. Kathleen Turner to get a word in edgewise. I didn’t even get a chance to ask Mrs. Kathleen Turner to record my voicemail. I was shaking the entire time, and I’m sure, Mrs. Kathleen Turner thought I was from the Make-A-Wish foundation. I even walked away, still bowing to her. Ugh. I was like one of those losers when they meet William Shatner at a Trekkie convention. But nonetheless, I got my DVD signed and I got to meet a big-name, classic celebrity. It doesnt get much twenty-something than that.
It all started two years ago when Mr. Scott Wolley, my English teacher showed the entire class the classic movie, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? It was so dark and intense…I loved it. And so did Madelaine, who sat right next to me in class. So it only made sense that we both would go see the play when it came to town. And lo and behold, when the day finally came, I knew exactly who to call, once I got my free tickets from Broadway In Tucson.
The morning of the play, it seemed as if the entire city was in a frenzy over the arrival of Mrs. Kathleen Turner. The Broadway in Tucson staff was running around, like little children in the schoolyard, playing tag while we, at the flower shop, were preparing extravagant arrangements for Mrs. Kathleen Turner and entourage. It was so exciting to create something that would be appreciated and housed in the dressing room of a Hollywood legend. While, I was making Mrs. Kathleen Turner’s arrangement, I kept picturing how I would present the flowers to her and what I would say.
“Hello, Kathleen.” Too friendly.
“Hello, Mrs. Turner.” Too formal.
“Hello, Mrs. Kathleen Turner.” Too used.
“Hello, Mrs. Kathleen Magnificently-Opulent-Tremendously-Talented-Stupendously-Spectacularp-Gargantuan-Goddess of Film, Television and Stage Turner.” Perfect.
And what was even more perfect, was my plan to have her sign my DVD copy of Romancing the Stone and record my voicemail at the cast and crew party, which I made certain the staff of Broadway In Tucson invited me to. I had to meet her and get her autograph and voice on my phone. Imagine. Whenever somebody would call, I would have the one and only voice of Mrs. Jessica Rabbit telling all my friends and family to leave me a voicemail. Wow.
Later that night, me, Madelaine, and a couple of our friends sat in Row D, and watched a couple of couples play verbally, savage games against one another. It was terribly dramatic and oh so intense. Like an episode of Jerry Springer that you know you should turn away from, but cant help watch with amazement (God, I hope Edward Albee never hears me compare his work of art to low-class, trashy entertainment…) It was so surreal to see Mrs. Kathleen Turner and Bill Irwin (who played Mr. Lou Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Mr. Noodle in all those Elmo’s World videos…don’t ask how I know…just trust me) on stage instead of on the big screen, performing for us mere mortals.
After the play, Madelaine and I attended the cast party, at the historic Congress Hotel. It was the perfect setting for an intimate dinner with a celebrity. Walking across the marbled foyer into a room of rich, dark wood with , I felt like one of those old-time black and white movie stars. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I go to Disneyland and ride The Hollywood Tower of Terror. Soft lighting, smooth jazz, and delicious baby lamb chops. This was one big budget, for one big star. And speaking of big stars, I wondered where Mrs. Kathleen Turner was. It wasn’t until I was seated, that I realized I had just walked right by Mrs. Kathleen Turner’s table. For a big Hollywood legend, you’d think she’d walk around with her own lighting. You know, to shine and stand out in the crowd. I mean, I would. But there she was. Sitting across from me, at the next table over, looking all legendary and Hollywood, just like I imagined she would be. Here was my chance to meet some greatness.
But when I got up to meet Mrs. Kathleen Turner, so did Madelaine, my boss Alice, and her friend Julia, editor-in-chief of the local Arizona Jewish Post. Guess my meeting with Mrs. Kathleen Turner would have to be in groupie form. Ugh. There we were, not two feet away from Mrs. Kathleen Turner in stunned silence. That is until Julia broke the silence and asked Mrs. Kathleen Turner if she could bother her for an autograph. As Mrs. Kathleen Turner obliged, Julia then introduced her to Alice, as the lady who provided the snapdragons that were used on stage and the flowers that were placed in her dressing room. That’s when Madelaine got the bright idea to market Alice’s Downtown Flower Market using the simple slogan, “Flowers, as seen on stage with Mrs. Kathleen Turner,” which made Mary excited, which made Julia talk about possible advertising ideas, which made Mrs. Kathleen Turner annoyed. You could tell by her forced smile, she was not amused to hear everyone talk about a flower shop when she was standing right there, waiting to be worshipped. She even refused Madelaine’s request for a photo-op, saying she was tired. It was so humiliating. Was I the only one that knew how to act around a celebrity? Was I the only one who knew that when in the presence of a celebrity, you’re supposed to bow and speak only when spoken to?
And for a brief few moments, I lost all hope that I would ever get to shake hands with Mrs. Kathleen Turner or even get her to sign my DVD. It seemed as if it just wasn’t gonna happen. But then, thanks to the great support of my friends, I got my confidence back. Everyone at the cast party knew I was on a mission to get Mrs. Kathleen Turner to sign my DVD and when they saw that my first try had failed, they encouraged me to try again. After all, nobody gets to meet celebrities by sitting on their ass. Unless, of course, you have the TV set to Access Hollywood or the E! Network.
I had two choices. I could continue to sit and eat my skewered lamb chops, which were served on the same plate, by the same caterer, in the same intimate setting as Mrs. Kathleen Turner or, I could get up, walk right up to her, and have her sign my DVD and record my voicemail. And that’s exactly what I did.
ME: Mrs. Kathleen Turner, my name is David Tellez and I am a HUGE fan I loved you in The Man with Two Brains and Serial Mom, The Virgin Suicides, Chandler's Dad you are so amazingly terrific and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to honor me by signing my copy of Romancing the Stone I loved you in this movie because you are so incandescent and if you hold on real quick, let me just pull this cover out and oh my God, this is so embarrassing because my friend wanted me to ask you to do my voicemail, but never mind about that, thank you so much for doing this for me, you have no idea how much this means to me thank you, thank you, thank you...
Not once did I breathe or leave any room for punctuation or for Mrs. Kathleen Turner to get a word in edgewise. I didn’t even get a chance to ask Mrs. Kathleen Turner to record my voicemail. I was shaking the entire time, and I’m sure, Mrs. Kathleen Turner thought I was from the Make-A-Wish foundation. I even walked away, still bowing to her. Ugh. I was like one of those losers when they meet William Shatner at a Trekkie convention. But nonetheless, I got my DVD signed and I got to meet a big-name, classic celebrity. It doesnt get much twenty-something than that.
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