There’s an old episode of Will & Grace where Will and Grace are sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper and Will takes a test; The Five Pillars of Happiness. And, because it came with a free lotion sample, you know it's scientific. And since today’s my birthday, a birthday that for the first time in a very long time I am not afraid of turning older, I thought I’d take the test too.
HEALTH
There’s something about a time period where depleting the ozone layer with hairspray was a necessary fashion must and both Boy George and George Michael were straight that makes you want to party like it’s 1989. And that’s exactly what I did last weekend. It was my friend Rosie’s birthday party, which actually turned out to be a major bust since more than 95% of the party guests were manish lesbians. So I drank and drank and drank, until I lost all feeling in my hair. The next morning I lost about five pounds, just by laying by the toilet. I didn’t eat anything for the next two days and I can honestly say my pants feel looser. Check one for health!
FAMILY
My family is still very much odd. There’s no changing it, since it’s all genetics. But for the moment they’re OK. My mom made a new friend in a fellow psychotic Christian-fanatic who so happens to be an interior decorator and because their beliefs are outrageously similar, she’s redecorating our entire house for free. Not too bad I guess. My dad switched shifts with a soon-to-be dad and is now working nights at the Air National Guard and because my brothers are old enough to actually have jobs and contribute to society, I get a few nights free from all the channel switching and radio blasting. I know it doesn’t seem right that I’m happy I have free time from my family, but trust me…it’s a good thing.
LOVE
I’m not in love, right now, but I am kinda seeing someone. It’s a little iffy, though. There’s a new manager at Mike’s Coffee Shop and her name is Gwen. She’s cute, she’s funny and she makes me wanna feed her grapes and brush her hair (for the record, Gwen isn’t a monkey, although I do wish I could carry her all day). We’ve actually sorta gone out twice for drinks after work and each time it’s been really fun. There’s actually one little, teensy, weensy problem…she has a boyfriend. With a tumor. In his lungs. I know. But like they say…love makes you do crazy things.
FRIENDSHIPS
My friend life couldn’t be better. Even though we’re all busy with school and work and other aspects in our social lives, I think the fact that we all make time for each other says a lot. Before we used to make plans, days ahead. But now that were a little bit older and a little bit wiser, we've learned to make plans months in advance, because we know things can come up when you least expect it. I’ll be sure to include you in those events, too! One thing to look forward to? Phooson.
WORK
I officially got the magazine job! I signed the contract yesterday and am now officially a special features writer for 520Living! They’re gonna send me out to nightclubs and other hotspots in and around the 520 area and I’ll be writing all about it. To break it down, I’m gonna get paid to go out and have fun! On Tuesday, I met with the publisher and learned that his family owns their own publishing company, which is how he got into the magazine biz. They have lifestyle magazines in Los Angeles and San Bernadino, just to name a few. At twenty-two, I’m the youngest writer on staff and the only one without a history of prior experience. Unless you count my stint during high school when I was on the newspaper and yearbook staff. It’s a major step towards a career as a journalist and I couldn’t be more happier! After I left the meeting, I wanted to go out and do something. That’s when I came across this flyer that flew onto my leg:
Two roads lie ahead. One is straight and wide. The other winds it way through back roads. It's peak traffic time, though, on the big road. Success depends on you applying creative alternatives in achieving your goal. Discover a path. It's time to gaze far into the future to find meaning and inspiration, while paying less attention to the day-to-day issues that usually fill your thoughts.
How's that for a terrific birthday horoscope?
HEALTH
There’s something about a time period where depleting the ozone layer with hairspray was a necessary fashion must and both Boy George and George Michael were straight that makes you want to party like it’s 1989. And that’s exactly what I did last weekend. It was my friend Rosie’s birthday party, which actually turned out to be a major bust since more than 95% of the party guests were manish lesbians. So I drank and drank and drank, until I lost all feeling in my hair. The next morning I lost about five pounds, just by laying by the toilet. I didn’t eat anything for the next two days and I can honestly say my pants feel looser. Check one for health!
FAMILY
My family is still very much odd. There’s no changing it, since it’s all genetics. But for the moment they’re OK. My mom made a new friend in a fellow psychotic Christian-fanatic who so happens to be an interior decorator and because their beliefs are outrageously similar, she’s redecorating our entire house for free. Not too bad I guess. My dad switched shifts with a soon-to-be dad and is now working nights at the Air National Guard and because my brothers are old enough to actually have jobs and contribute to society, I get a few nights free from all the channel switching and radio blasting. I know it doesn’t seem right that I’m happy I have free time from my family, but trust me…it’s a good thing.
LOVE
I’m not in love, right now, but I am kinda seeing someone. It’s a little iffy, though. There’s a new manager at Mike’s Coffee Shop and her name is Gwen. She’s cute, she’s funny and she makes me wanna feed her grapes and brush her hair (for the record, Gwen isn’t a monkey, although I do wish I could carry her all day). We’ve actually sorta gone out twice for drinks after work and each time it’s been really fun. There’s actually one little, teensy, weensy problem…she has a boyfriend. With a tumor. In his lungs. I know. But like they say…love makes you do crazy things.
FRIENDSHIPS
My friend life couldn’t be better. Even though we’re all busy with school and work and other aspects in our social lives, I think the fact that we all make time for each other says a lot. Before we used to make plans, days ahead. But now that were a little bit older and a little bit wiser, we've learned to make plans months in advance, because we know things can come up when you least expect it. I’ll be sure to include you in those events, too! One thing to look forward to? Phooson.
WORK
I officially got the magazine job! I signed the contract yesterday and am now officially a special features writer for 520Living! They’re gonna send me out to nightclubs and other hotspots in and around the 520 area and I’ll be writing all about it. To break it down, I’m gonna get paid to go out and have fun! On Tuesday, I met with the publisher and learned that his family owns their own publishing company, which is how he got into the magazine biz. They have lifestyle magazines in Los Angeles and San Bernadino, just to name a few. At twenty-two, I’m the youngest writer on staff and the only one without a history of prior experience. Unless you count my stint during high school when I was on the newspaper and yearbook staff. It’s a major step towards a career as a journalist and I couldn’t be more happier! After I left the meeting, I wanted to go out and do something. That’s when I came across this flyer that flew onto my leg:
Two roads lie ahead. One is straight and wide. The other winds it way through back roads. It's peak traffic time, though, on the big road. Success depends on you applying creative alternatives in achieving your goal. Discover a path. It's time to gaze far into the future to find meaning and inspiration, while paying less attention to the day-to-day issues that usually fill your thoughts.
How's that for a terrific birthday horoscope?
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