Gwen broke up with her boyfriend. That's right, the spiteful and jealous coffee manager of Mike's Coffee & Tea with the cancer-lung boyfriend, is now single. When the news first broke, I couldn't believe it. After all, breaking up with someone is never easy. There's all those feelings and the pointing of the finger and...it's just really messy. Especially when one party is dying. But somehow, Gwen did it without any guilt. Soon after, Gwen began to have a reoccurring dream. A dream that featured...me.
Gwen and I travel through the woods, for no apparent reason, when all of a sudden, a very large and frightening thing is heard in the distance, coming towards us. So, we find these baskets, that are conveniently located at the river's edge, get inside and float down with the current. Just like Moses. But unlike Moses, we never get discovered by Egyptian royalty, because at that exact moment, Gwen wakes up.
When Gwen told me about her week-long dream, I had no idea how to interpret such a dream, so I just smiled, nodded, and pretended I understood every word. That's what you have to do, whenever someone tells you something that leaves you confused and bewildered. Like when you're told you're influence is affecting a friendship.
It was a regular Friday night and my friends Hadassah and Guy invited me to the Arizona IceCats Hockey team. I'm not really a big fan of hockey, but when Hadassah and Guy explained that it was a great place that encouraged excessive drinking with outrageous insults, I was in. I don't really remember how the game went, since apparently no one really watches the sport, but rather uses the time to catch up with old friends on old times. After the game, we went back to a friend's house where one of Hadassah's friends, Shelly, confronted me about my influence over her old friend. According to Shelly, ever since Hadassah had been hanging out with me, she was a new person...Haute-dassah She wasn't partying as much and was even turning down mid-week party invitations, to study and do schoolwork. She began to incorporate designer pieces into her wardrobe, trading in her Vans for Versace and her Dickies for Dior. She even began to see the benefits of going to the theatre, museums and other cultural experiences. And it made Shelly feel she was losing a friend.
If Shelly was looking for an apology, she wasn't going to get one. What was I gonna say? "Sorry you don't go to school and barely work part time at the Cluck N' Chuck, but I will try and get Hadassah to stop working so hard so you guys can party..."?! Hadassah was growing up. She wasn't cashing in her paychecks for weekly booze fests and when she realized being a young professional in the real estate business also meant, looking the part, she had to ditch her old style. She was still the same person, but just a little bit older and little more wiser. Then the big blow really came. Shelly asked/pleaded me if I could see less of Hadassah. Basically, she wanted me to break-up with a friend. And I couldn't do that. Shelly made it seem as if ending the friendship would be the easiest thing to do and even had a basic outline on how to do it. I was in shock, but didn't show it, since I really had no way of going about the situation. I felt as if I should tell someone, but who? Shelly was friends with everyone at the party and probably possessed the power to turn them all against me with a raised eyebrow and Hadassah and Guy were off in some room making out like drunken sorority girls.
I had to tell somebody. It's bad when you keep bad issues and concerns inside of you, because you then become a ticking time bomb and at the most unexpected moment, you explode. Like a marriage, for example. If you have a problem with your spouse, you should talk to them. It's the only way they'll know something is bothering you...besides the obvious subtle hints. I thought my boss Alice knew that. But apparently, not. She came into work the other day, about an hour before we even opened, with red eyes and a sniffling nose. She claimed it was allergies, but I knew it was something else. And my suspicions were confirmed after Alice left work, leaving her email on the computer. I know she left it there for me to see, since before she left, she went straight to her email account and opened up the sent email.
I will be at Aubrey's recital from 6-7. At that time, I want you to get all your shit out of my house. I don't want you there anymore. You have taken advantage me for the last time. Never again. I try not to be a nagging wife, but you have been given too much freedom. You never listen to me. You constantly put your friends before me and our kids. You spend more time with your friends and just visit your kids. Our kids are beautiful and great, but you will never know that because you never spend time with them. And I will make sure you never see them again. They don't deserve to be hurt over and over again. You spend more time talking with your friends, hanging out with your friends and you would rather spend the night on their couch at their apartments then be at home with your wife. You even invite them to our house for dinner ON OUR ANNIVERSARY!!! I feel like a single parent while you are nothing more than the guy who gives me money. We are nothing more than roommates who fuck. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great, but I need MORE than a nightly fuck. I NEED A HUSBAND. Our family needs a man to be there with us all the time, not just some of the time. I don't love you anymore. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Goodbye.
Gwen and I travel through the woods, for no apparent reason, when all of a sudden, a very large and frightening thing is heard in the distance, coming towards us. So, we find these baskets, that are conveniently located at the river's edge, get inside and float down with the current. Just like Moses. But unlike Moses, we never get discovered by Egyptian royalty, because at that exact moment, Gwen wakes up.
When Gwen told me about her week-long dream, I had no idea how to interpret such a dream, so I just smiled, nodded, and pretended I understood every word. That's what you have to do, whenever someone tells you something that leaves you confused and bewildered. Like when you're told you're influence is affecting a friendship.
It was a regular Friday night and my friends Hadassah and Guy invited me to the Arizona IceCats Hockey team. I'm not really a big fan of hockey, but when Hadassah and Guy explained that it was a great place that encouraged excessive drinking with outrageous insults, I was in. I don't really remember how the game went, since apparently no one really watches the sport, but rather uses the time to catch up with old friends on old times. After the game, we went back to a friend's house where one of Hadassah's friends, Shelly, confronted me about my influence over her old friend. According to Shelly, ever since Hadassah had been hanging out with me, she was a new person...Haute-dassah She wasn't partying as much and was even turning down mid-week party invitations, to study and do schoolwork. She began to incorporate designer pieces into her wardrobe, trading in her Vans for Versace and her Dickies for Dior. She even began to see the benefits of going to the theatre, museums and other cultural experiences. And it made Shelly feel she was losing a friend.
If Shelly was looking for an apology, she wasn't going to get one. What was I gonna say? "Sorry you don't go to school and barely work part time at the Cluck N' Chuck, but I will try and get Hadassah to stop working so hard so you guys can party..."?! Hadassah was growing up. She wasn't cashing in her paychecks for weekly booze fests and when she realized being a young professional in the real estate business also meant, looking the part, she had to ditch her old style. She was still the same person, but just a little bit older and little more wiser. Then the big blow really came. Shelly asked/pleaded me if I could see less of Hadassah. Basically, she wanted me to break-up with a friend. And I couldn't do that. Shelly made it seem as if ending the friendship would be the easiest thing to do and even had a basic outline on how to do it. I was in shock, but didn't show it, since I really had no way of going about the situation. I felt as if I should tell someone, but who? Shelly was friends with everyone at the party and probably possessed the power to turn them all against me with a raised eyebrow and Hadassah and Guy were off in some room making out like drunken sorority girls.
I had to tell somebody. It's bad when you keep bad issues and concerns inside of you, because you then become a ticking time bomb and at the most unexpected moment, you explode. Like a marriage, for example. If you have a problem with your spouse, you should talk to them. It's the only way they'll know something is bothering you...besides the obvious subtle hints. I thought my boss Alice knew that. But apparently, not. She came into work the other day, about an hour before we even opened, with red eyes and a sniffling nose. She claimed it was allergies, but I knew it was something else. And my suspicions were confirmed after Alice left work, leaving her email on the computer. I know she left it there for me to see, since before she left, she went straight to her email account and opened up the sent email.
I will be at Aubrey's recital from 6-7. At that time, I want you to get all your shit out of my house. I don't want you there anymore. You have taken advantage me for the last time. Never again. I try not to be a nagging wife, but you have been given too much freedom. You never listen to me. You constantly put your friends before me and our kids. You spend more time with your friends and just visit your kids. Our kids are beautiful and great, but you will never know that because you never spend time with them. And I will make sure you never see them again. They don't deserve to be hurt over and over again. You spend more time talking with your friends, hanging out with your friends and you would rather spend the night on their couch at their apartments then be at home with your wife. You even invite them to our house for dinner ON OUR ANNIVERSARY!!! I feel like a single parent while you are nothing more than the guy who gives me money. We are nothing more than roommates who fuck. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great, but I need MORE than a nightly fuck. I NEED A HUSBAND. Our family needs a man to be there with us all the time, not just some of the time. I don't love you anymore. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Goodbye.
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