what's wrong?

I'm supposed to be leaving on a jet plane to Denver in a mere matter of hours to catch an international flight to Italy and though the premise of it all seems adventurous and exciting, I can't seem to get in the mood.

What's wrong with me?

Everyone I talk to keeps asking me if I'm excited, if I'm thrilled, if I'm ready. I think I'm ready. I mean, sure, I still have to pack and get ready (I only have my shoes packed so far) but I have everything I need. Passport? Check. Camera? Check. My Italian phrase book? Check. I got everything I could possibly need to have a great time in Italy. But I'm still not excited.

Last weekend, I attended another First Fridays event, with Hadassah. This time, the theme was "A Night In Hollywood" which wasn't as glamorous as I thought it would be. Instead of classic Hollywood where all the stars and celebrities hang out, we ended up on the boulevard where all the drag queen prostitutes and iconic film characters mingle. Still it was a ton of fun, with mile a minute laughter. And the guy that noticed my date and I having the time of our lives? It was no other than fashion footwear businessman, Phil Touche.

I had interviewed Phil for my article on First Fridays, and doing as acquaintences do, he greeted us warmly, and complimented our "put-together outfits". In fact he loved my G-Star coat so much, he wanted to buy it right off my back! Talk about wearing the right thing at the right time. I declined the offer and instead accepted his invitation to a fashion show, sponsored by the Southern Arizona AIDS foundation.

The following Sunday, Hadassah and I arrived at the university of Arizona grand ballroom which had been transformed into a fashion show extravaganza. Tall models, flamboyant hair dressers, and snooty waiters were all there ready to entertain and criticize our every move. It was so much fun! The clothes were amazing...even the dress that had over 2000 condoms sewed on! Who'da thunk thin rubber could be so classy?After the fashion show and the mad grab towards the $300+ goody bags, we were invited to the after party at Level. Usually the nightclub isn't open on Sundays, but for such a fantastic event for such fantastic people, they made an exception.

The club was packed. Local celebrities were in tow, such as Toni from Toni & Guy Hair Salon, Chuck George from Channel 13 news and some model I saw on a local magazine two times. Phil introduced me to one of the organization workers of the event who in turn introduced me to everyone worth knowing in Tucson. It was so surreal and so unbelievable, I didn't want the night to end. In fact, I think its one of the reasons why I haven't been as excited to go...

With so much going on in Tucson and so many new people to see, things to see, and places to go, I feel like I'll be missing out on so many things. I know it doesn't make sense, considering I'm off to Italy, but then why can't I be excited? Is this normal behavior? What's wrong with me?