Last week, Gwen and I got a new roommate. It was her dog Emma, from back home. Gwen's cousin Gabriella moved to Chicago and took Emma along for the drive. I knew Gwen was bringing along her dog, since we looked for an apartment that was dog friendly, for both our dogs. Only, I didn't know how big her dog was.
When we arrived at Gabriella's brownstone in Lincoln Park, I finally got to see Emma for the first time. A big, black border collie mix that had full run of the first floor. None of Emma's furniture was moved in yet, so Emma was able to run across the foyer, the living room and the open kitchen. Immediately, I began to wonder how well she would fare in our tiny apartment. A dog that size needs room to run around and stuff. And though our back door does lead down to a flight of stairs and an open backyard, there is no fence that blocks our backyard from the side of the building and to the open street.After we got back home from Chicago, the damaging effects of having a new "roommate", began to unfold. To Gwen, Emma is an adorable spaz. To me, Emma is a big, fat, slobbering idiot. Like Marmaduke or Beethoven, only not as charming or witty or box-office worthy. She chews on everything. Everything. And the reason behind that is because Gwen spoils her like she's worth it. Before Emma came, Gwen spent over $150 on toys and treats at Petsmart, which, if you ask me, was money not well spent. Especially since Emma is nowhere near trained. Or even smart. The other day, she did the exact same thing as the dog in the following video.
She doesn't listen to Gwen, she destroys her toys to oblivion and leaves large pieces of stuffing all over the floor, and she eats out of the trash. Sure, she's only two years old, so she's still in her puppy phase, but if you take a week, like this week, while Gwen is on her period, it's gross coming home and seeing a menstrual blood-stained tampon greeting you on the bathroom floor. But Gwen shrugs it off, as she rubs Emma's head and says, "Oh Emmy Spaghetti..."
What's most upsetting is that I'm the one having to watch Emma. With the opening of the store just a few days away, Gwen has been super busy making sure all important documents are being processed, all licenses are up to code, and that our first day of business is nothing but smooth sailing. She's gone for hours at a time, driving all across town, leaving Emma all alone with me. Not that I don't like helping out from time to time, but it's getting a little overwhelming. I didn't come all the way to Milwaukee to be a dog walker.
It would suck worse, if Gwen didn't constantly thank me for helping her out, but I just can't stand her dog. She's one of the worst dog's I've ever met. She doesn't bite me or bark out of control. She's just annoying. Last week, I found my "Special Limited Edition 'Friends' DVD Party Box Set" recipe cards that I got as a graduation present from my aunt, ripped and torn and strewn all across the living room floor. Emma found it in the living room bookcase and just had it. It made me so mad, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I mean, I couldn't hit the dog, without having my face posted across national TV and being labeled as an animal abuser. So, I took the higher approach.
I stopped paying attention to Emma. I stopped petting her. I stopped rubbing her stomach. I stopped throwing her toys for her to run after and bring back. And if you have ever had a puppy before, you know that ignoring them is absolutely killer to them. But I didn't care. Those recipe cards were only sold at Target in 2004, when Friends ended its 10 year run on television! They don't make them anymore! UGH!
And the thing is, I love dogs. I even have one back home, whom I miss, oh, so much. Lucy would never pull any of the shenanigans that Emma pulls. Of course, she could never reach the inside of a trashcan, but that's not the point. Lucy listens. She only squeaks her toys and never tears them up in a million pieces. And she's smart enough to know used tampons don't taste like cherry-flavored tootsie roll pops.
So, if any of you are wondering how I'm doing in Milwaukee, yes, I am having a mental fight with a dog. And yes, I miss Lucy.
What's most upsetting is that I'm the one having to watch Emma. With the opening of the store just a few days away, Gwen has been super busy making sure all important documents are being processed, all licenses are up to code, and that our first day of business is nothing but smooth sailing. She's gone for hours at a time, driving all across town, leaving Emma all alone with me. Not that I don't like helping out from time to time, but it's getting a little overwhelming. I didn't come all the way to Milwaukee to be a dog walker.
It would suck worse, if Gwen didn't constantly thank me for helping her out, but I just can't stand her dog. She's one of the worst dog's I've ever met. She doesn't bite me or bark out of control. She's just annoying. Last week, I found my "Special Limited Edition 'Friends' DVD Party Box Set" recipe cards that I got as a graduation present from my aunt, ripped and torn and strewn all across the living room floor. Emma found it in the living room bookcase and just had it. It made me so mad, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I mean, I couldn't hit the dog, without having my face posted across national TV and being labeled as an animal abuser. So, I took the higher approach.
I stopped paying attention to Emma. I stopped petting her. I stopped rubbing her stomach. I stopped throwing her toys for her to run after and bring back. And if you have ever had a puppy before, you know that ignoring them is absolutely killer to them. But I didn't care. Those recipe cards were only sold at Target in 2004, when Friends ended its 10 year run on television! They don't make them anymore! UGH!
And the thing is, I love dogs. I even have one back home, whom I miss, oh, so much. Lucy would never pull any of the shenanigans that Emma pulls. Of course, she could never reach the inside of a trashcan, but that's not the point. Lucy listens. She only squeaks her toys and never tears them up in a million pieces. And she's smart enough to know used tampons don't taste like cherry-flavored tootsie roll pops.So, if any of you are wondering how I'm doing in Milwaukee, yes, I am having a mental fight with a dog. And yes, I miss Lucy.
|