The best thing about my training class for my new job is the candy. The worst thing about my training class for my new job is the candy. It's as if the company has a deal with Willy Wonka to provide the employees sugary delights to keep them awake and full of faux energy. As a candy lover, it was awesome to come to class, see a giant bowl of candy in front of me and know I could have my pick of the brightly colored, sweet tasting, piece of pure sugar and food coloring. But then I stopped.
After snacking on candy for a week, my jeans literally felt tight. Somehow, in one night, the sugar had finally formed in my body, and resulting in unwanted enlargement. I had to do something. I had to give up candy. And I did. Cold turkey. For one week. And the weird thing? It actually worked. I actually lost weight by giving up something I loved. By the end of next week, my jeans felt a little loose, as they should have been in the first place. I decided to see how much more I could lose by giving up other stuff I love. Bread.
You never realize how much bread is a part of your life, until you start dreaming about it and having semi-wet dreams about the Philsbury Dough Boy and Sara Lee getting it on in a bakery. And after one week, I literally dropped two pant sizes. Which was enough to inspire my friend Sarina to get back in the scheme of being healthy.
In Tucson, west of downtown, there is a small hill, known as Tumamoc Hill. It's been called the "Acropolis of Tucson" and is home to the infamous and long-standing, Desert Laboratory, along with the ancient civilization, the Hohokums. The paved road that leads the scientists up to the top of the hill is beloved by hikers and weight watchers alike because of the long, steep trails that work out the entire bottom half of your body. At one point, to get to the top, you actually have to do lunges! And when Sarina recommended hiking the hill, I immediately signed up.
Then, Sarina recommended a workout class she was taking, called Zumba, a combination of latin and hip hop dancing that works out every muscle in your body. To those who take the class every week? You are certifiably insane. The class was mostly filled with women, and being the only guy there, I thought I could hang. I was wrong. I almost passed out. I drank over a gallon of water that day, and yet, the color disappeared from my face and I could feel the Asian slaw I had for lunch rising in my throat. I had two choices. I could puke my entire guts out and force myself to believe my body was just riding itself of the toxins or I could save face and throw up like an anorexic Hollywood starlet in the bathroom. The only problem was, my legs were wobbly, and I looked like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, right after Dorothy took him off his post and forced him to walk for miles.
Somehow, I made it to an empty recruiters desk, laying on the floor next to a trash bin, trying to catch my breath while holding my vomit in. And somehow, the faux hawk I was rocking that day, managed to keep its shape and style, so if perchance I did pass out, I would look like a hot lifeless body, rather than an ugly lifeless body. Thank you Axe hair product. As I laid on the floor, waiting for the color and my breath to return to my body, I started thinking, was it all worth it? Is it really worth exercising this much? The answer is yes.
When I saw my best friend Madelaine, the other day, the very first thing she asked me, was, if I was doing drugs. It was one of the nicest compliments I had received in a very long time. Of course, I hadn't been, but to think that the past three weeks actually paid off was good. So...even though I'm exhausted, even though my thighs and legs are hard and sore, even though I haven't had a good cheeseburger in forever, I think I'm gonna continue on with the whole eating better and feeling better thing for a while and see where it leads me. Hopefully, it's something as good as a big bowl of candy.
After snacking on candy for a week, my jeans literally felt tight. Somehow, in one night, the sugar had finally formed in my body, and resulting in unwanted enlargement. I had to do something. I had to give up candy. And I did. Cold turkey. For one week. And the weird thing? It actually worked. I actually lost weight by giving up something I loved. By the end of next week, my jeans felt a little loose, as they should have been in the first place. I decided to see how much more I could lose by giving up other stuff I love. Bread.
You never realize how much bread is a part of your life, until you start dreaming about it and having semi-wet dreams about the Philsbury Dough Boy and Sara Lee getting it on in a bakery. And after one week, I literally dropped two pant sizes. Which was enough to inspire my friend Sarina to get back in the scheme of being healthy.
In Tucson, west of downtown, there is a small hill, known as Tumamoc Hill. It's been called the "Acropolis of Tucson" and is home to the infamous and long-standing, Desert Laboratory, along with the ancient civilization, the Hohokums. The paved road that leads the scientists up to the top of the hill is beloved by hikers and weight watchers alike because of the long, steep trails that work out the entire bottom half of your body. At one point, to get to the top, you actually have to do lunges! And when Sarina recommended hiking the hill, I immediately signed up.
Then, Sarina recommended a workout class she was taking, called Zumba, a combination of latin and hip hop dancing that works out every muscle in your body. To those who take the class every week? You are certifiably insane. The class was mostly filled with women, and being the only guy there, I thought I could hang. I was wrong. I almost passed out. I drank over a gallon of water that day, and yet, the color disappeared from my face and I could feel the Asian slaw I had for lunch rising in my throat. I had two choices. I could puke my entire guts out and force myself to believe my body was just riding itself of the toxins or I could save face and throw up like an anorexic Hollywood starlet in the bathroom. The only problem was, my legs were wobbly, and I looked like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, right after Dorothy took him off his post and forced him to walk for miles.
Somehow, I made it to an empty recruiters desk, laying on the floor next to a trash bin, trying to catch my breath while holding my vomit in. And somehow, the faux hawk I was rocking that day, managed to keep its shape and style, so if perchance I did pass out, I would look like a hot lifeless body, rather than an ugly lifeless body. Thank you Axe hair product. As I laid on the floor, waiting for the color and my breath to return to my body, I started thinking, was it all worth it? Is it really worth exercising this much? The answer is yes.
When I saw my best friend Madelaine, the other day, the very first thing she asked me, was, if I was doing drugs. It was one of the nicest compliments I had received in a very long time. Of course, I hadn't been, but to think that the past three weeks actually paid off was good. So...even though I'm exhausted, even though my thighs and legs are hard and sore, even though I haven't had a good cheeseburger in forever, I think I'm gonna continue on with the whole eating better and feeling better thing for a while and see where it leads me. Hopefully, it's something as good as a big bowl of candy.
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