It's barely Friday, and already this week has worn me out. I so could use a day off.
Last Saturday I made a killing at the funeral ceremony of Barbara Cooper. No pun intended. Yes, the ceremony was finally held this weekend, despite the fact, that Barbara had been resting in an urn for over a month.
Of course, it was still my responsibilty to deliver the neighborhood eulogy. But with studying for finals, dealing with the witches of Kohls, and trying to maintain my less-than-perfect social life, I had no time to even process an idea of what I was going to say. It wasnt until the night before that the words came to me.
"How can we honor the memory of a woman like Barbara? Well, she was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. It is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point in which matter is converted into energy. Babrara's heart approached that speed on Friday evening, 7:57, according to the coroner, converting her matter into energy. Into pure white light. Though she is no longer with us, she is all around us."
Not a dry eye within a mile of East 5th St. I was so proud of myself for delivering such a touching tribute and even more prouder of the fact that I didnt use the words "whore" or "adultress" in my speech. Everyone at the ceremony came up to me and told me that it was just so beautiful and so touching. Too bad it was totally unoriginal and copyrighted. Yup. And it's all thanks to my Season One DVD of Third Rock From The Sun. I know, I know, but when you're writing about a dead woman at two o'clock in the morning, any and all ideas seemed to be good at the time. Moving on...
After the ceremony, I went into work, and I gotta say...it's actually starting to grow on me. The managers may be total assholes, but most of my co-workers are actually pretty cool. They're really nice and most of them have even shared stories with me about how shitty the managers are. Which was kinda nice knowing that I'm not totally delusional about the Nazi camp they run. Some of the tales they've shared with me are so juicy that if I ever need to blackmail them, God forbid and knock on wood, I am ready. Wow. Ouch. That did not come out the way I meant it to be. Is it bad that I'm already thinking of blackmailing my co-workers? Wow...I so need to stop hating on my managers.
But, while having fun at work, and chatting away with my new found friends, I got the best news of all. Wednesday, my friend Priscilla gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Weighing in at 8lbs and 8oz and measuring 20in in length, Nicholas Scott Johnson was born. I just came back from the hospital and lemme tell ya...I can so already tell that the kid is gonna be one major heartbreaker. The kid has got the biggest feet on a baby, that I have ever seen! And you know what they say about kids with big feet...
I still cant believe my friend gave birth to a baby. I mean, I knew she was pregnant and all, but still, you know? I guess I just never fully grasped the concept. But she's fine, and so is the baby, and I cant wait to see them again. Priscilla even asked me if I would record some baby lullaby songs, because she said she wanted the baby to hear me sing, which made me smile so hard. It's cuz a long time ago, for Valentine's Day, I sang Priscilla a song and she's always wanted to record my voice? I still dont know why, cuz I dont think I'm all that great, but it sure made my day. So I told her I'd give it a shot, and that I would try to record a song, once I get my voice back.
I have my voice with me right now, but by this time tomorrow, I wont be able to make a sound. Not for a full two weeks. The reason? I'm having a tonsilectomy tomorrow morning. I know it's a routine procedure, but I'm still a little freaked, you know? Dr. Huerta said, that because of my enlarged tonsils, and how my throat is shaped like a triangle, rather than a circle like most others, they needed to come out, or else I could choke to death mid-sleep. The other good thing is, according to Dr. Huerta, I will no longer snore, snort, have allergies, or get any more sick throat problems, like that mono I had a while back.
I guess what I'm most afraid of is my voice changing. Which is why I added this Audio Post, so that I may forever have a recording of my voice, one last time.
Last Saturday I made a killing at the funeral ceremony of Barbara Cooper. No pun intended. Yes, the ceremony was finally held this weekend, despite the fact, that Barbara had been resting in an urn for over a month.
Of course, it was still my responsibilty to deliver the neighborhood eulogy. But with studying for finals, dealing with the witches of Kohls, and trying to maintain my less-than-perfect social life, I had no time to even process an idea of what I was going to say. It wasnt until the night before that the words came to me.
"How can we honor the memory of a woman like Barbara? Well, she was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. It is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point in which matter is converted into energy. Babrara's heart approached that speed on Friday evening, 7:57, according to the coroner, converting her matter into energy. Into pure white light. Though she is no longer with us, she is all around us."
Not a dry eye within a mile of East 5th St. I was so proud of myself for delivering such a touching tribute and even more prouder of the fact that I didnt use the words "whore" or "adultress" in my speech. Everyone at the ceremony came up to me and told me that it was just so beautiful and so touching. Too bad it was totally unoriginal and copyrighted. Yup. And it's all thanks to my Season One DVD of Third Rock From The Sun. I know, I know, but when you're writing about a dead woman at two o'clock in the morning, any and all ideas seemed to be good at the time. Moving on...
After the ceremony, I went into work, and I gotta say...it's actually starting to grow on me. The managers may be total assholes, but most of my co-workers are actually pretty cool. They're really nice and most of them have even shared stories with me about how shitty the managers are. Which was kinda nice knowing that I'm not totally delusional about the Nazi camp they run. Some of the tales they've shared with me are so juicy that if I ever need to blackmail them, God forbid and knock on wood, I am ready. Wow. Ouch. That did not come out the way I meant it to be. Is it bad that I'm already thinking of blackmailing my co-workers? Wow...I so need to stop hating on my managers.
But, while having fun at work, and chatting away with my new found friends, I got the best news of all. Wednesday, my friend Priscilla gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Weighing in at 8lbs and 8oz and measuring 20in in length, Nicholas Scott Johnson was born. I just came back from the hospital and lemme tell ya...I can so already tell that the kid is gonna be one major heartbreaker. The kid has got the biggest feet on a baby, that I have ever seen! And you know what they say about kids with big feet...
I still cant believe my friend gave birth to a baby. I mean, I knew she was pregnant and all, but still, you know? I guess I just never fully grasped the concept. But she's fine, and so is the baby, and I cant wait to see them again. Priscilla even asked me if I would record some baby lullaby songs, because she said she wanted the baby to hear me sing, which made me smile so hard. It's cuz a long time ago, for Valentine's Day, I sang Priscilla a song and she's always wanted to record my voice? I still dont know why, cuz I dont think I'm all that great, but it sure made my day. So I told her I'd give it a shot, and that I would try to record a song, once I get my voice back.
I have my voice with me right now, but by this time tomorrow, I wont be able to make a sound. Not for a full two weeks. The reason? I'm having a tonsilectomy tomorrow morning. I know it's a routine procedure, but I'm still a little freaked, you know? Dr. Huerta said, that because of my enlarged tonsils, and how my throat is shaped like a triangle, rather than a circle like most others, they needed to come out, or else I could choke to death mid-sleep. The other good thing is, according to Dr. Huerta, I will no longer snore, snort, have allergies, or get any more sick throat problems, like that mono I had a while back.
I guess what I'm most afraid of is my voice changing. Which is why I added this Audio Post, so that I may forever have a recording of my voice, one last time.
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