It was a regular Wednesday afternoon, and in typical Arizona fashion, trying to avoid the three-degree desert sun, everyone stayed indoors. And to help pass the time, I called my friend Maria.
ME: ...and then my mom's on this whole kick of taking us all on a vacation to California.
MARIA: What's wrong with that?
ME: Maria...my brothers and I are all over 17. I mean, I like Disneyland and all, but when you're that old, it's weird going with your "mommy" and "daddy".
MARIA: Yeah, I guess so. Well, you should come with me and Ray. We're planning on doing a a road trip to the Grand Canyon at the end of the month. And then, since we're like, right next door to Las Vegas...
ME: Yeah, see, now that's what I call a nice family vacation.
After I got off the phone with Maria, I started to wonder what would be more awkward...vacationing with the parental units or being the third wheel. On the one hand, vacationing with the parents would be a free trip, but then I'd pay for it later with all those cheesey character photos. With the road trip it would be kinda cool to see all of Arizona on a good buzz, but then when we got to Nevada, how lame would it be to be single in the city of sin? Wait...that one would actually work towards my advantage...ugh, I should've just gone to Spain with the dysfunctional duo.
An hour later, one of my vacation options dropped when Maria called me back with some bad news.
MARIA: David?
ME: Hey, what's up?
MARIA: He, uh...I...he broke up with me.
ME: What? Why?
MARIA: Because I'm Catholic.
It was an argument the newly-ex-couple had found themselves in, so many times. Ray was a Christian, a Baptist to be exact, and although they say Christianity is a form of Catholicism, according to Ray's pastor and personal friend, the relationship would never work out because their beliefs were just too different. Apparently, traveling with a sinner to the city of sin, was just too much for a saint to handle. Devastated, Maria cried herself to sleep that night.
The next day, I decided to help Maria forget about Ray, but no matter what we did or where we went, Ray was everywhere. He was the guy walking down the street, wearing the same shirt Maria got him for Christmas. He was the guy in line at Starbucks, ordering the venti caramel frapp. And as it turned out, even the burrito I ordered at Nico's Taco Stand was the same burrito that Ray would order. The worst time Ray came to Maria's mind was when we stopped at her job. She went in to clear up some paperwork and I went in to use her employee discount. When we got to customer service, the sales lady behind the counter reminded Maria that only "certain people" could use her discount. She asked if I was her husband, which prompted me to say yes, to help Maria avoid any issues with company policy, but prompted Maria to cry, because it reminded her that she probably would never get married or find love, ever again.
Still too depressed to be at her own home, Maria and I went to her friend Louie's house. Since we knew Louie was away on business and had a fully stocked mini bar, it only made perfect sense. Two feel-good-cry movies and several tubs of Häagen-Dazs later, I was still helping Maria figure out the way to win the age-old contest between ex-lovers, also known as "who will die miserable and all alone". Sadly though, we didnt come up with anything, and instead, just decided to call it a night.
Driving fast down an uncharted path, Maria soon came to a bump in the road. Actually, it was a horse. From out of nowhere it came and before Maria could swerve to avoid it, the horse and right sideview mirror came in contact with each other. As the car spun backwards, my side hit the horse's head and sent the horse flying backwards into the desert.
ME: You killed a horse.
MARIA: I killed a horse.
ME: You're so going to jail.
MARIA: David, shut up!
ME: I'm going to jail!
MARIA: I killed a horse!
ME: Now I'm not gonna go to California!
But then something miraculous happened. The horse, shook it's head and walked off. It was then that I realized, if the horse could survive, after being knocked down by something so big, shake it off and walk away, then maybe so could Maria.
ME: ...and then my mom's on this whole kick of taking us all on a vacation to California.
MARIA: What's wrong with that?
ME: Maria...my brothers and I are all over 17. I mean, I like Disneyland and all, but when you're that old, it's weird going with your "mommy" and "daddy".
MARIA: Yeah, I guess so. Well, you should come with me and Ray. We're planning on doing a a road trip to the Grand Canyon at the end of the month. And then, since we're like, right next door to Las Vegas...
ME: Yeah, see, now that's what I call a nice family vacation.
After I got off the phone with Maria, I started to wonder what would be more awkward...vacationing with the parental units or being the third wheel. On the one hand, vacationing with the parents would be a free trip, but then I'd pay for it later with all those cheesey character photos. With the road trip it would be kinda cool to see all of Arizona on a good buzz, but then when we got to Nevada, how lame would it be to be single in the city of sin? Wait...that one would actually work towards my advantage...ugh, I should've just gone to Spain with the dysfunctional duo.
An hour later, one of my vacation options dropped when Maria called me back with some bad news.
MARIA: David?
ME: Hey, what's up?
MARIA: He, uh...I...he broke up with me.
ME: What? Why?
MARIA: Because I'm Catholic.
It was an argument the newly-ex-couple had found themselves in, so many times. Ray was a Christian, a Baptist to be exact, and although they say Christianity is a form of Catholicism, according to Ray's pastor and personal friend, the relationship would never work out because their beliefs were just too different. Apparently, traveling with a sinner to the city of sin, was just too much for a saint to handle. Devastated, Maria cried herself to sleep that night.
The next day, I decided to help Maria forget about Ray, but no matter what we did or where we went, Ray was everywhere. He was the guy walking down the street, wearing the same shirt Maria got him for Christmas. He was the guy in line at Starbucks, ordering the venti caramel frapp. And as it turned out, even the burrito I ordered at Nico's Taco Stand was the same burrito that Ray would order. The worst time Ray came to Maria's mind was when we stopped at her job. She went in to clear up some paperwork and I went in to use her employee discount. When we got to customer service, the sales lady behind the counter reminded Maria that only "certain people" could use her discount. She asked if I was her husband, which prompted me to say yes, to help Maria avoid any issues with company policy, but prompted Maria to cry, because it reminded her that she probably would never get married or find love, ever again.
Still too depressed to be at her own home, Maria and I went to her friend Louie's house. Since we knew Louie was away on business and had a fully stocked mini bar, it only made perfect sense. Two feel-good-cry movies and several tubs of Häagen-Dazs later, I was still helping Maria figure out the way to win the age-old contest between ex-lovers, also known as "who will die miserable and all alone". Sadly though, we didnt come up with anything, and instead, just decided to call it a night.
Driving fast down an uncharted path, Maria soon came to a bump in the road. Actually, it was a horse. From out of nowhere it came and before Maria could swerve to avoid it, the horse and right sideview mirror came in contact with each other. As the car spun backwards, my side hit the horse's head and sent the horse flying backwards into the desert.
ME: You killed a horse.
MARIA: I killed a horse.
ME: You're so going to jail.
MARIA: David, shut up!
ME: I'm going to jail!
MARIA: I killed a horse!
ME: Now I'm not gonna go to California!
But then something miraculous happened. The horse, shook it's head and walked off. It was then that I realized, if the horse could survive, after being knocked down by something so big, shake it off and walk away, then maybe so could Maria.
|