Why is it so hard to understand, that no, means no? During the 80's, when cheesey rock music and teased hair was at it's highest, Nancy Reagan introduced a campaign against the use of drugs which was known as, "Just Say No." Who'da thunk, those very words would be so hard to comprehend?
Today was my first day back to school (can you believe it took almost a week for my eye infection to heal? Which means, I'll probably never wear another pair of colored contacts again. Which is cool, cuz I think I wanna go in the way of Lisa Loeb and don a pair of funky square glasses, so it's all good...wow, this is the longest parenthesis I've ever had). It was also the first day that I would see Corrie and her heaving milky-white bosoms again (see, how I totally worked that in there Miss Jay?!).
ME: What happened last week?
CORRIE: You mean the homework?
ME: No. I mean, the whole Smiley's thing.
CORRIE: Oh, that. Yeah, I lost your number.
ME: You lost it? Didn't you put it into your phone?
CORRIE: Yeah, but my phone book list got erased. It was so weird.
Yeah. It was weird. I was going to give Corrie the benefit of the doubt, but I figured, if what she were saying were true, wouldnt she come up to me and tell me she lost my number, rather than me having to go and ask what had happened? But then again, sometimes some things just cant be explained. And since I'm a big believer in the whole, "seeing-isn't-believing-but-believing-is-seeing" philosphy, I thought I'd give Corrie a second chance.
ME: So, did you already take the pictures for the thing? Dear God, it's me David. Please dont make me sound so weird. Amen.
CORRIE: Um, no. No. Not yet.
Today was my first day back to school (can you believe it took almost a week for my eye infection to heal? Which means, I'll probably never wear another pair of colored contacts again. Which is cool, cuz I think I wanna go in the way of Lisa Loeb and don a pair of funky square glasses, so it's all good...wow, this is the longest parenthesis I've ever had). It was also the first day that I would see Corrie and her heaving milky-white bosoms again (see, how I totally worked that in there Miss Jay?!).
ME: What happened last week?
CORRIE: You mean the homework?
ME: No. I mean, the whole Smiley's thing.
CORRIE: Oh, that. Yeah, I lost your number.
ME: You lost it? Didn't you put it into your phone?
CORRIE: Yeah, but my phone book list got erased. It was so weird.
Yeah. It was weird. I was going to give Corrie the benefit of the doubt, but I figured, if what she were saying were true, wouldnt she come up to me and tell me she lost my number, rather than me having to go and ask what had happened? But then again, sometimes some things just cant be explained. And since I'm a big believer in the whole, "seeing-isn't-believing-but-believing-is-seeing" philosphy, I thought I'd give Corrie a second chance.
ME: So, did you already take the pictures for the thing? Dear God, it's me David. Please dont make me sound so weird. Amen.
CORRIE: Um, no. No. Not yet.
ME: Oh...so did you still wanna do it? Hey, God, it's me again. Please just give me this one thing and I will dedicate myself completely to thee. Ok, maybe not completely, because I do have a life, but I promise not to change the channel when the starving kids come on my TV.
CORRIE: I dont know. I mean, well, it's cuz I wont be able to this week. Or next. I have a whole lot of projects coming up, and so I think I'm just going to give the assignment to someone else to do.
ME: Oh. Uh, God, what is she talking about? Give the assignment to someone else? Yeah. Right. Doesnt she know that if a teacher gives you an assignment, you have to complete it and not just hand it to whomever?
Why was Corrie acting so weird? Why had she given me false hope of a possible semi-date? Was the girl who I had dubbed "not hot" blowing me off? My suspicions were confirmed as I sat back down in my seat, and my friend Alex said something to me, that I thought was only supposed to be for girls.
ALEX: She's not that into you.
ME: Huh?
ALEX: She's not that into you.
ME: How do you know?
ALEX: Dude, please. I watch Oprah. I was a Sex and the City fan for six years. I can so tell these things.
ME: Whatever, Carrie Bradshaw.
ALEX: Ok, well, dont believe me. But dont you think if she was into you, she would have dropped everything just to hang out with you? Didnt you pick up on her hints that she wasnt interested? No means no.
Alex had a point. In her own subtle (and stupid) way, I guess Corrie had said, "No." I was just too blind to realize it. Which was odd, because if I wasnt blinded by her looks, then what was I blinded by?
Class ended, and I was still trying to figure out what had blinded me. I soon found myself, standing in front of a bulletin bored, waiting for my next class, when all of a sudden, some random kid started talking to me.
RANDOM KID: So...just checking out the postings, huh?
ME: Oh, uh, yeah.
RANDOM KID: Name's Tim.
ME: Oh, hi.
TIM: I think we're in the same Geo class.
ME: Oh, maybe. I dont really pay attention.
TIM: Yeah? Thats cool. I've been meaning to come up and talk to you.
ME: Really?
TIM: Yeah. You seem like a cool dude.
ME: Oh. Thanks.
TIM: Yeah. You're exactly the kind of guy we could use in our group.
ME: Your group?
TIM: Yeah. My Bible study group.
I'm not exactly sure why, but for some reason, my soul is the number one soul in Tucson to convert. Ever since I turned 13, countless Christians, Jehovah Witneses, Buddahists, cult members, and even a few Dungeons & Dragons nerds, have tried to convert my soul for the better good. And each time, I'm at a loss for words. I dont wanna appear rude to the people who spent so long rehearsing their "Conversion Speech" because I know if it was me, I would want someone to hear me say it, you know? Besides, how do you tell one of God's chosen people, no means no?
ME: Uh, I dont know...
TIM: It's just once a week. We meet every Wednesday. We're not into fire and brimstone.
ME: Oh. Well thats...good?
TIM: We're into loving Jesus.
ME: Yeah, well, see the thing is I have homework and all this other stuff and I just dont think I'll have the time.
TIM: You know that Satan is just around the corner waiting to devour your soul and make you his follower?
ME: What?!
TIM: Do you want to be spend all eternity buring in hellfire?
ME: Ok...
TIM: Dont you want to find Jesus?
ME: Well, I'm already a Christian, so I dont think I have to find Jesus anymore...
TIM: Really? Well, praise the Lord!
ME: Yeah.
TIM: Well, then come on! Share the jubilee! The students that pray together, stay together!
ME: No, I dont think so. I dont have the time.
TIM: God always has time for you. What's one hour of your time to devout to him?
Somehow Corrie was able to look deep in her dark, icy, cold heart and tell me, no, so why wasnt I? And then it hit me. I was acting exactly like Corrie. I was totally blowing this kid off with all my excuses. And like me, he wasnt getting the hint or the point. I felt sorry for him, because if Tim was this pathetic, I can only imagine how Corrie must have seen me. Ew. No matter how well dressed or accessorized I am, there is just no way to pull off a pathetic look. And so this Wednesday, I will be at the bottom of a church basement, studying the Bible. I wonder how one dresses for the occassion. Dress shirt and tie or regular normal clothes? I just hope and pray the topic of discussion will be about the word "no". Lord knows, I need help in that area.
CORRIE: I dont know. I mean, well, it's cuz I wont be able to this week. Or next. I have a whole lot of projects coming up, and so I think I'm just going to give the assignment to someone else to do.
ME: Oh. Uh, God, what is she talking about? Give the assignment to someone else? Yeah. Right. Doesnt she know that if a teacher gives you an assignment, you have to complete it and not just hand it to whomever?
Why was Corrie acting so weird? Why had she given me false hope of a possible semi-date? Was the girl who I had dubbed "not hot" blowing me off? My suspicions were confirmed as I sat back down in my seat, and my friend Alex said something to me, that I thought was only supposed to be for girls.
ALEX: She's not that into you.
ME: Huh?
ALEX: She's not that into you.
ME: How do you know?
ALEX: Dude, please. I watch Oprah. I was a Sex and the City fan for six years. I can so tell these things.
ME: Whatever, Carrie Bradshaw.
ALEX: Ok, well, dont believe me. But dont you think if she was into you, she would have dropped everything just to hang out with you? Didnt you pick up on her hints that she wasnt interested? No means no.
Alex had a point. In her own subtle (and stupid) way, I guess Corrie had said, "No." I was just too blind to realize it. Which was odd, because if I wasnt blinded by her looks, then what was I blinded by?
Class ended, and I was still trying to figure out what had blinded me. I soon found myself, standing in front of a bulletin bored, waiting for my next class, when all of a sudden, some random kid started talking to me.
RANDOM KID: So...just checking out the postings, huh?
ME: Oh, uh, yeah.
RANDOM KID: Name's Tim.
ME: Oh, hi.
TIM: I think we're in the same Geo class.
ME: Oh, maybe. I dont really pay attention.
TIM: Yeah? Thats cool. I've been meaning to come up and talk to you.
ME: Really?
TIM: Yeah. You seem like a cool dude.
ME: Oh. Thanks.
TIM: Yeah. You're exactly the kind of guy we could use in our group.
ME: Your group?
TIM: Yeah. My Bible study group.
I'm not exactly sure why, but for some reason, my soul is the number one soul in Tucson to convert. Ever since I turned 13, countless Christians, Jehovah Witneses, Buddahists, cult members, and even a few Dungeons & Dragons nerds, have tried to convert my soul for the better good. And each time, I'm at a loss for words. I dont wanna appear rude to the people who spent so long rehearsing their "Conversion Speech" because I know if it was me, I would want someone to hear me say it, you know? Besides, how do you tell one of God's chosen people, no means no?
ME: Uh, I dont know...
TIM: It's just once a week. We meet every Wednesday. We're not into fire and brimstone.
ME: Oh. Well thats...good?
TIM: We're into loving Jesus.
ME: Yeah, well, see the thing is I have homework and all this other stuff and I just dont think I'll have the time.
TIM: You know that Satan is just around the corner waiting to devour your soul and make you his follower?
ME: What?!
TIM: Do you want to be spend all eternity buring in hellfire?
ME: Ok...
TIM: Dont you want to find Jesus?
ME: Well, I'm already a Christian, so I dont think I have to find Jesus anymore...
TIM: Really? Well, praise the Lord!
ME: Yeah.
TIM: Well, then come on! Share the jubilee! The students that pray together, stay together!
ME: No, I dont think so. I dont have the time.
TIM: God always has time for you. What's one hour of your time to devout to him?
Somehow Corrie was able to look deep in her dark, icy, cold heart and tell me, no, so why wasnt I? And then it hit me. I was acting exactly like Corrie. I was totally blowing this kid off with all my excuses. And like me, he wasnt getting the hint or the point. I felt sorry for him, because if Tim was this pathetic, I can only imagine how Corrie must have seen me. Ew. No matter how well dressed or accessorized I am, there is just no way to pull off a pathetic look. And so this Wednesday, I will be at the bottom of a church basement, studying the Bible. I wonder how one dresses for the occassion. Dress shirt and tie or regular normal clothes? I just hope and pray the topic of discussion will be about the word "no". Lord knows, I need help in that area.
|