In a town like Tucson, where you're most likely to see your old friend from the third grade pumping gas at the same gas station as you, you start to realize just how small this town really is. And when it's that small, well, it's not that hard to be found. So it's no surprise, karma has found me.
Friday afternoon, I was down in the basement of Alice's Downtown Flower Shop with Ashley, when I asked her if she was going to Alice's place later on that day.
ME: Hey, so are you going to Alice's?
ASHLEY: No...I dont think so, why?
ME: Oh, well, dont you wanna help with your cake?
ASHLEY: My cake?
ME: Yeah. Adrianna said something about making you a four-tier Hello Kitty cake.
ASHLEY: No. Adrianna told me Alice was making a Hello Kitty cake for her niece.
ME: No, she told me the cake was for you. I thought it was for your birthday or something.
ASHLEY: Maybe you heard her wrong.
ME: Or maybe I just ruined your surprise. Sorry.
I later found out, that's exactly what I did. That night, when I got to Alice's house, the first thing Alice told me was that the cake was a surprise for Ashley. Feeling horribley bad for ruining a surprise, I began to play bartender and drank my sorrows away. Four bloody mary's and three glasses of mango rum later, I was buzzing and what better way to spend my state of buzz, than at the movies?
So there I was, with my good friend Madelaine, getting ready to see The Da Vinci Code, a little drunk, a little hungry, and a little tired. Ok, so it was a lotta tired and I totally missed the last hour of the movie, but who knew karma was sitting just a few rows behind us?
The next day, my Aunt Sylvia invited me to chaperone a 5th grade transition/graduation/birthday party for my little cousin Katrina. I, of course, wasnt in the mood to babysit a bunch of 11-year-olds, but since there was the promise of a good cake, I went. And it's a good thing too. The Barbie and eight-pointed star piñata's were filled with the good kind of candy, like Reese's and Kit Kat's, and not that cheap hard candy you can get for almost nothing across the border. As I stood around, watching the kids line up to hit the piñata's, I began to wonder which kids I could take out, when all of a sudden a huge mess of pink tissue paper came flying towards me. Barbie and her Butterfinger-filled body knocked me down.
It was totally humiliating, and when I remembered how cruel and ruthless 5th graders can be, well, it just made the whole thing worse. So, to compensate for being knocked in the head (and for getting the kids all riled up), my other cousin, Vanessa, invited me to a party she was throwing for her graduating class.
Another night with another drink in my hand, I was retelling my weekend tales of the birthday surprise gone sour, my Da Vinci doze-off, and my brawl with Barbie, when Vanessa's friend, Annie, began to tell me how wrong it was to fall asleep during such a controversial movie.
ANNIE: You fell asleep during The Da Vinci Code?!
ME: Yeah. Well, it was midnight and I only had like four hours of sleep the night before.
ANNIE: So?! That doesnt matter! That was just totally disrespectful!
ME: Uh, I already read the book, so...it's not like I was missing much.
ANNIE: Uh, hello?! Did you know there are people in the Middle East dying because they cant see that movie?!
ME: No they're not!
ANNIE: Yeah, they are!
ME: Well, they were dying before the movie came out, and my guess is they'll probably die after the movie comes out.
ANNIE: Oh, you just wait. You think you're so cool now, but you wait! Karma will get you!
Sunday morning, with Annie's words still fresh in my mind, I stumbled into church, with my not so fresh vodka breath. Annie was totally drunk and deluded, but did she have a point? Was karma after me? I mean, sure, karma is an important concept in several Eastern religions, but I was of Western religion, so it couldn’t have that much of an effect on me…could it? But then what about getting hit in the head by the Barbie piñata? Was that really karma's way of getting back at me for ruining Ashley's birthday surprise?
It was too early in the morning to have such a philosophical thought in my head, and so I concentrated on finding an empty pew. My church is set up like a concert stadium, minus the bleachers, with the pulpit and stage at the bottom, and all the pews at a slant, leading towards it, so you can see what a challenge it is to walk down the isle. My family and I settled on a pew near the sound system, when all of a sudden, I tripped on one of the wires and pushed my brother Collin down the isle. Collin rolled down, nearly missing the corner of a pew. He could have lost an eye, but instead he lost his temper and started yelling at me in the church.
It was definately karma. And it wasn't the funny kind like they show in My Name Is Earl. It was the scary kind. But can karma really hurt you? And if so, how can you get rid of it?
Friday afternoon, I was down in the basement of Alice's Downtown Flower Shop with Ashley, when I asked her if she was going to Alice's place later on that day.
ME: Hey, so are you going to Alice's?
ASHLEY: No...I dont think so, why?
ME: Oh, well, dont you wanna help with your cake?
ASHLEY: My cake?
ME: Yeah. Adrianna said something about making you a four-tier Hello Kitty cake.
ASHLEY: No. Adrianna told me Alice was making a Hello Kitty cake for her niece.
ME: No, she told me the cake was for you. I thought it was for your birthday or something.
ASHLEY: Maybe you heard her wrong.
ME: Or maybe I just ruined your surprise. Sorry.
I later found out, that's exactly what I did. That night, when I got to Alice's house, the first thing Alice told me was that the cake was a surprise for Ashley. Feeling horribley bad for ruining a surprise, I began to play bartender and drank my sorrows away. Four bloody mary's and three glasses of mango rum later, I was buzzing and what better way to spend my state of buzz, than at the movies?
So there I was, with my good friend Madelaine, getting ready to see The Da Vinci Code, a little drunk, a little hungry, and a little tired. Ok, so it was a lotta tired and I totally missed the last hour of the movie, but who knew karma was sitting just a few rows behind us?
The next day, my Aunt Sylvia invited me to chaperone a 5th grade transition/graduation/birthday party for my little cousin Katrina. I, of course, wasnt in the mood to babysit a bunch of 11-year-olds, but since there was the promise of a good cake, I went. And it's a good thing too. The Barbie and eight-pointed star piñata's were filled with the good kind of candy, like Reese's and Kit Kat's, and not that cheap hard candy you can get for almost nothing across the border. As I stood around, watching the kids line up to hit the piñata's, I began to wonder which kids I could take out, when all of a sudden a huge mess of pink tissue paper came flying towards me. Barbie and her Butterfinger-filled body knocked me down.
It was totally humiliating, and when I remembered how cruel and ruthless 5th graders can be, well, it just made the whole thing worse. So, to compensate for being knocked in the head (and for getting the kids all riled up), my other cousin, Vanessa, invited me to a party she was throwing for her graduating class.
Another night with another drink in my hand, I was retelling my weekend tales of the birthday surprise gone sour, my Da Vinci doze-off, and my brawl with Barbie, when Vanessa's friend, Annie, began to tell me how wrong it was to fall asleep during such a controversial movie.
ANNIE: You fell asleep during The Da Vinci Code?!
ME: Yeah. Well, it was midnight and I only had like four hours of sleep the night before.
ANNIE: So?! That doesnt matter! That was just totally disrespectful!
ME: Uh, I already read the book, so...it's not like I was missing much.
ANNIE: Uh, hello?! Did you know there are people in the Middle East dying because they cant see that movie?!
ME: No they're not!
ANNIE: Yeah, they are!
ME: Well, they were dying before the movie came out, and my guess is they'll probably die after the movie comes out.
ANNIE: Oh, you just wait. You think you're so cool now, but you wait! Karma will get you!
Sunday morning, with Annie's words still fresh in my mind, I stumbled into church, with my not so fresh vodka breath. Annie was totally drunk and deluded, but did she have a point? Was karma after me? I mean, sure, karma is an important concept in several Eastern religions, but I was of Western religion, so it couldn’t have that much of an effect on me…could it? But then what about getting hit in the head by the Barbie piñata? Was that really karma's way of getting back at me for ruining Ashley's birthday surprise?
It was too early in the morning to have such a philosophical thought in my head, and so I concentrated on finding an empty pew. My church is set up like a concert stadium, minus the bleachers, with the pulpit and stage at the bottom, and all the pews at a slant, leading towards it, so you can see what a challenge it is to walk down the isle. My family and I settled on a pew near the sound system, when all of a sudden, I tripped on one of the wires and pushed my brother Collin down the isle. Collin rolled down, nearly missing the corner of a pew. He could have lost an eye, but instead he lost his temper and started yelling at me in the church.
It was definately karma. And it wasn't the funny kind like they show in My Name Is Earl. It was the scary kind. But can karma really hurt you? And if so, how can you get rid of it?
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