If you live in Tucson, and are over the age of 20, there are only two suitable activities you can do on a Saturday night; go to a club or go to a house party. I chose the house party.
My friend Steven had just sold his seventh house in the past month, a real record at the real estate agency he worked for, and to celebrate, his wife Ashlee had thrown him a formal soiree, a real high-class affair with catered chicken and mixed drinks so elusive, they could only be found in the middle of a bartender’s bible.
Of course, being a tequilla-shootin', pretzel bowl-eatin', beer game-playin' kinda guy, I knew I couldn’t ignore such an experience, so I took full-advantage to the entrance of this frosty-glass world. It wasn’t half-bad. In fact, the more drinks I tried, the more I wondered if I myself would ever have a signature drink. In classic American culture, when everyone dressed in suits and fedoras, pearls and white gloves, signature drinks were just as much a part of the classic lifestyle. Cocktails were socially accepted and before the health officials stepped in, smoking was just plain sexy. Of course, before I could partake in such adult affairs, I would have to learn to hold my alcohol down.
As I sat on the floor, performing the classic head-over-the-toliet-bowl routine, my friend Maria was downstairs, performing the classic head-over-heels-in-love routine. His name was Michael, one of the real estate agency’s newest prospects, and one of Maria’s newest prospect for boyfriend material. Smooth, classic jazz played in the background…candle lights hid every facial blemish and flaw, showcasing only what was true and smooth…and the intoxicating aroma of Michael’s after shave blended with the smell of bourbon on his lips made Maria weak in the knees. It was the most perfect night of her life. Or at least it was, until the two lovebirds parted ways.
After they exchanged cell numbers, Michael left Maria with one last thought; "Look me up on Myspace." Those five dreaded words any respectable woman fears when dating the six-figure dollar man of her dreams.
After it’s humble beginnings in 2003, Myspace.com had been changing the world all over, connecting people with their pasts and their futures. But unless you live in a dorm or your record label demands it, do you really need a Myspace page? Does anyone really need to know that Nip/Tuck on FX is your favorite show of all time? Do they need to know your body type and sexual orientation? And do they really need to know you have over 7,432 friends? My guess is no, but as my good friend Madelaine pointed out, in an age where the old strive to be younger and the young strive to be older, does age even matter anymore?
Maybe not. And maybe, so. Either way, I feel that if you are over 26, have a respectable career, and do not live in government housing, here are a few tips to keeping a good Myspace.
1) Let your pictures do the talking. It's the first thing anyone will see, and as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand words. It's also the basis for a good first impression, which really is the only opinion that matters the most. All school photos should be omitted, along with any where you are, or appear to be, drunk, topless and/or in a cement holding cell in Mexico.
2) Wow 'em with something sensational in your headline. Since it's the second thing they'll see, next to your picture, your headline better be more than just, "Hello." Try something unique that relates to your latest interaction with the world. If you went downtown to the historic Fox theatre and caught a double feature of Breakfast at Tiffany's and Funny Face, you might want to include a memorable quote. Something along the lines of, "Thursday?! It can't be! It's too gruesome!" or, "When I'm done, you'll look like...what do you call beautiful? A tree. You'll look like a tree." That'll get their attention and will open the lines for further communication.
3) Make yourself look good, but not too good. If one of your friend's went to high school with Cameron Diaz and another friend is Diane von Furstenberg's godchild, dont try to make your own claim to fame. Chances are, you'll be outed and will have a whole list of embarassing comments that'll be too hard to run from. Plus, I hear once you delete yourself from Myspace it's hard to go back and not be discovered again.
4) Myspace is no time to bare your soul. It can be tempting to reveal something mysterious, deep, or unusal about your life to hook your audience in, but chances are it'll only come across as odd. Honesty and openness is one thing, but psychotic and confessional is another. For example, talking about the person you love, is ok. Describing in painstaking detail about how you love to be spanked with a horse crop, while your lover wears a leather mask, is not.
5) Keep it simple and short. Sure, novel-length blurbs about yourself do show that you have a talent for writing, and that you do indeed lead a full life, just brimming with endless stories, but it also shows that you have way too much time on your hands. It's like that old showbiz saying: "Always leave 'em wanting more."
Maria has a date with Michael this Thursday. As for their future? Well, we'll see.
My friend Steven had just sold his seventh house in the past month, a real record at the real estate agency he worked for, and to celebrate, his wife Ashlee had thrown him a formal soiree, a real high-class affair with catered chicken and mixed drinks so elusive, they could only be found in the middle of a bartender’s bible.
Of course, being a tequilla-shootin', pretzel bowl-eatin', beer game-playin' kinda guy, I knew I couldn’t ignore such an experience, so I took full-advantage to the entrance of this frosty-glass world. It wasn’t half-bad. In fact, the more drinks I tried, the more I wondered if I myself would ever have a signature drink. In classic American culture, when everyone dressed in suits and fedoras, pearls and white gloves, signature drinks were just as much a part of the classic lifestyle. Cocktails were socially accepted and before the health officials stepped in, smoking was just plain sexy. Of course, before I could partake in such adult affairs, I would have to learn to hold my alcohol down.
As I sat on the floor, performing the classic head-over-the-toliet-bowl routine, my friend Maria was downstairs, performing the classic head-over-heels-in-love routine. His name was Michael, one of the real estate agency’s newest prospects, and one of Maria’s newest prospect for boyfriend material. Smooth, classic jazz played in the background…candle lights hid every facial blemish and flaw, showcasing only what was true and smooth…and the intoxicating aroma of Michael’s after shave blended with the smell of bourbon on his lips made Maria weak in the knees. It was the most perfect night of her life. Or at least it was, until the two lovebirds parted ways.
After they exchanged cell numbers, Michael left Maria with one last thought; "Look me up on Myspace." Those five dreaded words any respectable woman fears when dating the six-figure dollar man of her dreams.
After it’s humble beginnings in 2003, Myspace.com had been changing the world all over, connecting people with their pasts and their futures. But unless you live in a dorm or your record label demands it, do you really need a Myspace page? Does anyone really need to know that Nip/Tuck on FX is your favorite show of all time? Do they need to know your body type and sexual orientation? And do they really need to know you have over 7,432 friends? My guess is no, but as my good friend Madelaine pointed out, in an age where the old strive to be younger and the young strive to be older, does age even matter anymore?
Maybe not. And maybe, so. Either way, I feel that if you are over 26, have a respectable career, and do not live in government housing, here are a few tips to keeping a good Myspace.
1) Let your pictures do the talking. It's the first thing anyone will see, and as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand words. It's also the basis for a good first impression, which really is the only opinion that matters the most. All school photos should be omitted, along with any where you are, or appear to be, drunk, topless and/or in a cement holding cell in Mexico.
2) Wow 'em with something sensational in your headline. Since it's the second thing they'll see, next to your picture, your headline better be more than just, "Hello." Try something unique that relates to your latest interaction with the world. If you went downtown to the historic Fox theatre and caught a double feature of Breakfast at Tiffany's and Funny Face, you might want to include a memorable quote. Something along the lines of, "Thursday?! It can't be! It's too gruesome!" or, "When I'm done, you'll look like...what do you call beautiful? A tree. You'll look like a tree." That'll get their attention and will open the lines for further communication.
3) Make yourself look good, but not too good. If one of your friend's went to high school with Cameron Diaz and another friend is Diane von Furstenberg's godchild, dont try to make your own claim to fame. Chances are, you'll be outed and will have a whole list of embarassing comments that'll be too hard to run from. Plus, I hear once you delete yourself from Myspace it's hard to go back and not be discovered again.
4) Myspace is no time to bare your soul. It can be tempting to reveal something mysterious, deep, or unusal about your life to hook your audience in, but chances are it'll only come across as odd. Honesty and openness is one thing, but psychotic and confessional is another. For example, talking about the person you love, is ok. Describing in painstaking detail about how you love to be spanked with a horse crop, while your lover wears a leather mask, is not.
5) Keep it simple and short. Sure, novel-length blurbs about yourself do show that you have a talent for writing, and that you do indeed lead a full life, just brimming with endless stories, but it also shows that you have way too much time on your hands. It's like that old showbiz saying: "Always leave 'em wanting more."
Maria has a date with Michael this Thursday. As for their future? Well, we'll see.
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