It all started late Thursday afternoon. I was online in the computer lab at school, chatting with my good friend Madame D, when my not-so-hot friend Corrie walked in. A whole summer and a day had gone by, since I last saw my journalism crush, and my, how she had grown. Or at least the amount of tissue in her bra did. As we caught up, I realized I still had some feelings for the girl, but at the same time, despised her. Her little laugh? Sweet, yet annoying. Her outfit? Hot, yet slutty. Even the way she curled my hair around her finger was pure ecstasy, but at the same time it made me mad that she ruined my perfectly messy, coiffed, second-day dirty hair. Still, there was something enticing about Corrie that made me accept her invitation to dinner, later that day.
An hour later, I was at Gentle Ben's, introducing myself to all of Corrie's friends. I realized that this wasnt an impromptu dinner date, as Corrie had suggested, but was actually the result of a month long friendly get-together. I was a last resort date. And though I should've been upset by Corrie's manipulative actions, I wasnt. Normally, I hate going out to dinners where I dont know anybody, but this time, I was actually having fun. Until the waiter came and took our drink orders.
CORRIE: I'll have a Tucson Blonde.
WAITER: And you?
ME: I'll have...I guess water.
CORRIE: Oh, that's right, David. I forgot. You're only 20. You cant drink, because you're still too young!
What a bitch. Humiliating me in front of all her friends, I couldnt understand why Corrie was being so vindictive and spiteful. Had my life been a gangster movie, this is the part where I would have stood up and pumped a full round of lead into her body with my machine gun. Instead, I just pumped myself into Corrie, as we later had sex in her car.
During the course of dinner, Corrie's friends felt bad that I couldnt legally drink along with the rest of them, and so they offered to sneak me their shots and mixed drinks which I happily obliged to. Too drunk to drive, I sat in the passenger seat of Corrie's car, waiting for my buzz to go down. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, Corrie had straddled her legs around me, running her fingers through my hair. All thoughts of Corrie destroying my perfectly messy, coiffed, second-day dirty hair flew out the window...as did my right foot, when I cracked the windshield of her AMC Pacer.
Mortified about my after-dinner aperitif, I decided to talk to my friend Maria, who had a lot of experience in embarrassing hook-ups. She explained that since I, the hook-ey, didnt see Corrie, the hook-er, daily it wouldnt affect our relationship, which had undoubtedly crossed the friend/enemy barrier so far, Webster himself couldnt come up with a word. The only problem was, whether I wanted it or not, the infamous Corrie character would continue to play a role in my life. And hopefully it would only be until I finished paying off her cracked windshield. There went my upcoming birthday money. Depressed at the very thought of losing money, Maria changed the subject and moved on to my upcoming birthday nupitals.
MARIA: What about a little birthday dinner? Like that Poca Cosa place you're always talking about. Something nice.
ME: I dont know. Maybe.
MARIA: Yeah, come on! We'll invite Madelaine and Alice and her husband and all your friends. Just give me their numbers and I’ll put the dinner together. All you have to do is show up!
ME: Well, that might be ok.
MARIA: Should I invite Skye and Isabel?
No sooner had the names come out of my friend's mouth, that I knew I was going to be sick. Isabel was my mortal enemy and Skye was her evil gay sidekick/henchman. Isabel and I used to work at Forever 21 during our senior year but after this huge debacle at the senior prom, Isabel simply told our manager, that I was the ringleader of a recent shoplifting fiasco that had gone down at our store. Of course, it wasnt true, but Isabel lied so well, that I was fired and she was promoted to head window designer, which led to the great divide of 2004, causing many friendships at our school to cease and dismiss. Ever since, I've hated Isabel, but have recently just gotten over the whole thing, after I learned that karma paid her a visit and stayed with her for a whole year.
ME: Are you trying to make my brithday not fun?
MARIA: Well, technically we are all friends now, right?
ME: I dont know. I havent spoken to Skye or to Isabel in forever. Do you think I should invite them?
Maria thought I should, but I wasnt as sure. The truth of the matter was, even though I had no strong feelings towards Isabel or Skye, I wasnt really in the mood to have them help me celebrate my 21st birthday. So I decided to ask my friend Sean for his advice. Sean was currently living in San Francisco with his new bride and had some surprising news for me. Originally, I had decided to go away for my birthday and fly away to somewhere exotic. Like New York. But considering the fact that all my college friends were in debts way over their head, a fly was not feasible. And though I was totally fine with just an intimate dinner, Sean sensed a disappointment in my voice and promised a trip to New York after February.
ME: Why February?
SEAN: Oh, didnt I tell you? I'm gonna be in a soda commercial.
ME: Shut, up. For reals?
SEAN: Yeah, for reals. They called me up, asked me to film a few scenes, and I did.
ME: No, way, you're lying.
As it turns out, Sean wasnt lying. In the commercial, Sean plays an office nerd, which was a far stretch for someone who up until last year discovered the benefits of eye contacts and hair product. He gets a surprise from a certain soda brand, that comes flying in and disrupts the files he's looking at. And though, Sean only made five hundred off the commercial, the company promised him anywhere between 30-50K after it aired during the Super Bowl. Which means, a trip to New York was plausible, but is it still considered a birthday gift even though it's four months late? Should I accept Sean's gracious gift? Should I invite Isabel and Skye to my dinner party? Or should I just forget about everything and do my own birthday my own way?
An hour later, I was at Gentle Ben's, introducing myself to all of Corrie's friends. I realized that this wasnt an impromptu dinner date, as Corrie had suggested, but was actually the result of a month long friendly get-together. I was a last resort date. And though I should've been upset by Corrie's manipulative actions, I wasnt. Normally, I hate going out to dinners where I dont know anybody, but this time, I was actually having fun. Until the waiter came and took our drink orders.
CORRIE: I'll have a Tucson Blonde.
WAITER: And you?
ME: I'll have...I guess water.
CORRIE: Oh, that's right, David. I forgot. You're only 20. You cant drink, because you're still too young!
What a bitch. Humiliating me in front of all her friends, I couldnt understand why Corrie was being so vindictive and spiteful. Had my life been a gangster movie, this is the part where I would have stood up and pumped a full round of lead into her body with my machine gun. Instead, I just pumped myself into Corrie, as we later had sex in her car.
During the course of dinner, Corrie's friends felt bad that I couldnt legally drink along with the rest of them, and so they offered to sneak me their shots and mixed drinks which I happily obliged to. Too drunk to drive, I sat in the passenger seat of Corrie's car, waiting for my buzz to go down. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, Corrie had straddled her legs around me, running her fingers through my hair. All thoughts of Corrie destroying my perfectly messy, coiffed, second-day dirty hair flew out the window...as did my right foot, when I cracked the windshield of her AMC Pacer.
Mortified about my after-dinner aperitif, I decided to talk to my friend Maria, who had a lot of experience in embarrassing hook-ups. She explained that since I, the hook-ey, didnt see Corrie, the hook-er, daily it wouldnt affect our relationship, which had undoubtedly crossed the friend/enemy barrier so far, Webster himself couldnt come up with a word. The only problem was, whether I wanted it or not, the infamous Corrie character would continue to play a role in my life. And hopefully it would only be until I finished paying off her cracked windshield. There went my upcoming birthday money. Depressed at the very thought of losing money, Maria changed the subject and moved on to my upcoming birthday nupitals.
MARIA: What about a little birthday dinner? Like that Poca Cosa place you're always talking about. Something nice.
ME: I dont know. Maybe.
MARIA: Yeah, come on! We'll invite Madelaine and Alice and her husband and all your friends. Just give me their numbers and I’ll put the dinner together. All you have to do is show up!
ME: Well, that might be ok.
MARIA: Should I invite Skye and Isabel?
No sooner had the names come out of my friend's mouth, that I knew I was going to be sick. Isabel was my mortal enemy and Skye was her evil gay sidekick/henchman. Isabel and I used to work at Forever 21 during our senior year but after this huge debacle at the senior prom, Isabel simply told our manager, that I was the ringleader of a recent shoplifting fiasco that had gone down at our store. Of course, it wasnt true, but Isabel lied so well, that I was fired and she was promoted to head window designer, which led to the great divide of 2004, causing many friendships at our school to cease and dismiss. Ever since, I've hated Isabel, but have recently just gotten over the whole thing, after I learned that karma paid her a visit and stayed with her for a whole year.
ME: Are you trying to make my brithday not fun?
MARIA: Well, technically we are all friends now, right?
ME: I dont know. I havent spoken to Skye or to Isabel in forever. Do you think I should invite them?
Maria thought I should, but I wasnt as sure. The truth of the matter was, even though I had no strong feelings towards Isabel or Skye, I wasnt really in the mood to have them help me celebrate my 21st birthday. So I decided to ask my friend Sean for his advice. Sean was currently living in San Francisco with his new bride and had some surprising news for me. Originally, I had decided to go away for my birthday and fly away to somewhere exotic. Like New York. But considering the fact that all my college friends were in debts way over their head, a fly was not feasible. And though I was totally fine with just an intimate dinner, Sean sensed a disappointment in my voice and promised a trip to New York after February.
ME: Why February?
SEAN: Oh, didnt I tell you? I'm gonna be in a soda commercial.
ME: Shut, up. For reals?
SEAN: Yeah, for reals. They called me up, asked me to film a few scenes, and I did.
ME: No, way, you're lying.
As it turns out, Sean wasnt lying. In the commercial, Sean plays an office nerd, which was a far stretch for someone who up until last year discovered the benefits of eye contacts and hair product. He gets a surprise from a certain soda brand, that comes flying in and disrupts the files he's looking at. And though, Sean only made five hundred off the commercial, the company promised him anywhere between 30-50K after it aired during the Super Bowl. Which means, a trip to New York was plausible, but is it still considered a birthday gift even though it's four months late? Should I accept Sean's gracious gift? Should I invite Isabel and Skye to my dinner party? Or should I just forget about everything and do my own birthday my own way?
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